Happy Caffeinated Musings . . . Plus Blessing!

I ventured out of the house today. Met up with a knitting friend and we drank coffee, knitted, and discussed the world.  A band was playing while we were at said coffee place and they were really good. I feel good after my last post.  Very purged from a lot of negative hell that's been building inside me.  In fact, while this has been an emotional day for a number of reasons, it's also been a good day.

I had a lot of deep and important conversations with people today. Even though a couple of these discussions were brief, I still think they imparted a lot.  Oh, and I was positive and encouraging.  I can do that sometimes.

Lately, a lot of people around me seem to be frightened. If you've been reading the blog, you know I get that. Fear can be useful at times, but more often than not,  it's paralyzing.  It stops us.  The shitty thing is, the world offers up so many chances to be frightened on so many different levels.  I would love to say these fears are baseless and could never happen. Sadly, that's not true.  Quite often, what we fear, we fear with good reason.

But . . . the reason, while there, is often not good enough.  Yes, we may lose if we live boldly. Yes, it may cost us a lot.  Jobs. Friends. Reputation. Family. We may be viewed as the freak or the crazy bitch or the outcast or the undesirable.  We may be the one who they're stoning as we walk through the streets.

You know, one of the nice things about being fat is that I get to live with my freakness on my sleeve. My socially undesirable differentness is out there for everyone to see and judge.  This can be scary and hurtful . . . though more often, it's just predictable and annoying.  But it's the slap right when I walk in the room.  I don't have to wait nervously as the crowd gathers, fearing they'll realize my big bad thing and then slap me.  No, being fat is one of those things you can't hide.

For everyone else, their secrets, while easier to cover up, are also more confining.  If you can hide it, you become someone who constantly has to hide it.  You become a slave to your attempts to fit in with everyone else.  You become in danger of losing who you really are.

If you're someone out there who is afraid of people realizing who you really are.....remember two things.  One, and yes, I know I've talked about this before, you are under NO obligation to be honest with anyone but yourself.  Two, the people who really love you, the people who actually matter, will still love you regardless.  And the people who walk away? They never really loved you anyway. Just some fiction of you. You're better off without them.

So it's just a little past one in the morning.  I'm still hyped up on caffeine and the energy of live music.  This is my hope for everyone.:

May we shine.  May we glitter in all that we are.  May we revel in the beauty and the ugly that is us.  May we live brazenly.