Does That Mask Come in my Size?

One of the things that sucks about being a fat girl is Halloween.  Okay, the candy part doesn't suck. That's always great . . . unless you end up with those crappy taffies in the orange and black packages.  Those things are truly the fruitcake of Halloween.

No, the part that sucks is finding a damned costume. I think you can see why. Most celebs and things of that nature will either humiliate you more or are beyond the scope of your ability to create. I mean, I love Ursula from Disney's Little Mermaid, but it's beyond my crafting abilities and the white hair would be impossible.

So for the most part, even though I wish it could be otherwise, most of the time, my Halloween costumes are lame as fuck. The fatness, the poorness, and my halfassed planning usually serve to make for one crappy costume.

I've been . . .

• a fortune teller.  This one works pretty well. I have all the gear and fortune tellers can be fat and old and still work as a costume.
• a vampire. Even though everything I own is black and I'm pale as they come, somehow this never quite works. 
• a witch.  This works with ease, but I now find it rather offensive, given this is an actual religious practice. 
• on that same note of offensive religious icons, one Halloween I was the pregnant Virgin Mary. I rested my whiskey glass and an ash tray on my belly.  Our guy roommate at the time played Joseph. He stood around bitching because the baby wasn't his.
• various other things that were shitty and made no sense.  In many cases, even I didn't know what they were supposed to be.

This really frustrates me because I truly should be able to come up with a decent Halloween costume for myself.  It's my favorite holiday, for crying out loud!!

But will I manage to do this? *sigh* Probably not.  I have some good ideas, but more than likely they won't pan out. I'll end up either dressing like nothing or just looking like some damned idiot.  I mean, you know . . . more so.