The Horrors of Socialhood: Makeup

While I didn't wear a costume to the Halloween party, I did wear makeup.  This is a rare thing for me, because I've yet, in all of 38 years, to find makeup that suits me.

I guess I'm one of those people who really did need professional training where make up was concerned. Even after all this time, there are aspects of it that baffle me.  Not the theories of it. I understand about shadowing and highlighting. I get that you should either play up your lips OR your eyes, but not both. I grasp the need for balance.

It's the mechanics that screw me up.

For instance, does there actually exist eyeshadow and eyeliner that doesn't make my eyes water?  I think my eyes water as soon as I spot the stuff in the makeup box.  The watering is constant and hellish and happens no matter how careful I am.  I've tried different kinds, but the watering continues.  Well, I've never tried the really expensive stuff, but I can't afford to spend tons of money on makeup.

It's the foundation part that has proven beyond my comprehension. It never looks good. I've switched product like a million times and my skin either looks too oily, too dry, too caked, too thick, too non-covering, or something else.  Anyway, always bad.

I have a theory about the foundation hell though. I think part of the problem is that my skin is always in some kind of weird state of change.  After all, there are times when my skin is too dry or too oily . . . or too both. Age is changing it as well.  Age can do things to your skin in such strange ways. sometimes it feels really thin, sometimes it feels thick and almost rubbery. Stupid aging.

So I go to put on my makeup last night and it looks like it's covering badly.  I cuss it, a lot, and then add some more. . . . because, you know, adding more is the SENSIBLE thing.  After this looks like shit as well, I could have washed it off and started over.....instead I found some older stuff I had and gooped that on my face as well.  And . . .  it looked even worse.

So I added powder  . . . one of those powders made from minerals or midi-chlorians or something that is supposed to make your skin look Teh Superawesums. . . . and it looks like shit.  So I start highlighting and trying frantically to fix the problem, all the while my eyes are starting to water, leaving streams down my face.

By this point, I was running out of time, so I sigh and decide to make the best of it. It was a Halloween party. Maybe people would think it was Baby Jane makeup or something. I leave the house, eyes still watering, my skin looking like it was painted by the worst mortician's assistant ever.

The crazy thing is, today when I was talking to someone who was at the party, they commented, "You looked beautiful, by the way."

 . . .

What the fuck?

Okay, so maybe the makeup somehow magically worked on the way there?  Maybe it was the lighting or the smoke or the fact that the person was dressed Steampunk and possibly only looked at me through goggles?

I dunno.  I really don't. The makeup continues to confuse me, bastard that it is.