Happiness: An Ongoing Essay Part Five

Two of the biggest obstacles to happiness come in the form of the words "if" and "when." Honestly, I wish it was illegal to place these two words anywhere near happiness.  "If" and "when" are the great destroyers, the limiters, and the catalysts to the mammoth and often unrealistic conditions we will place on our own happiness.

It usually goes something like this:

I will be happy . . .

WHEN I have a better job.
WHEN I don't live in this house.
WHEN I'm well.
WHEN I'm married.
WHEN I'm a parent.
WHEN I'm rich.
WHEN I'm past this current problem.
WHEN I'm thin.
WHEN I'm beautiful.
WHEN I'm loved.

Or . . .

I would be happy

IF I had a better job.
IF I didn't have to deal with annoying people.
IF I wasn't poor.
IF I didn't live in this place.
IF there was no war.

I could go on, but you get the idea. We let the "if" and "when" of the matter suck out the happiness from our bones until we're just bitter, brittle creatures who have nothing at all in the way of joy.  We dwell on the hellish nature of our situations, brood over our past, rehash slights and insults, lament our current living situations.

And none of that does us any good at all.

As annoying as the current self help book is, the woman's core idea is true.  The past is gone.  It may have wounded us and left scars, but we're not there any more.  We can either cling to it or just let it go and move on with our lives.

The same can be said, and must be said, for the future.  The future is totally uncertain. Things may get a lot better . . . or they might not.  This may be, to quote the movie, as good as it gets for us.

For my part, I'm going to try and make a commitment to letting go of the "if" and "when." Instead of letting my enjoyment of life be conditional, I'm going to grab it by the balls and demand, defiantly, to experience joy. My "if" and "when" will now be replaced by "even if."

I will be happy . . .

EVEN IF no one ever loves me.
EVEN IF I stay poor all my life.
EVEN IF I never get healthy.
EVEN IF I never get a good job.
EVEN IF the house crumbles around me.
EVEN IF more people die.

I will be happy, even if, even if, even if . . .

I will be happy.  

The circumstances aren't going to keep me from my smile.