Today just oozed with responsibility! We paid bills, paid rent, made sensible decisions, and felt all good about it. Kind of scares me when we're this responsible.
Actually, it doesn't. In fact, there has always been a problem where responsibility and I are concerned. We've never been close. Quite often, I found myself running in the opposite direction.
Though, I have to ask myself why. I have no idea why doing the proper and practical thing has always been so difficult for me. Okay, not just difficult, often damned near emotionally impossible.
The crazy thing is, I feel better when I do the responsible stuff. If the bills are paid, I don't have to stress about them. If I eat for health and not for pleasure, I feel stronger. If I make sure to set boundaries and explain myself to others, I'm not having to constantly worry about where things stand. Being responsible actually makes life easier.
So why does it set my teeth on edge?
I really wish I knew. I also wish I'd learned the comfort of paying bills on time when I was in my late teens. I wish I'd had the sense to make sure each dollar served a purpose towards my goals and didn't just slip through my fingers on stupid crap.
That's in the past though. All I can do now is try to be a responsible little moppet now. I know it will make me happy, so I should do it. Yes, I should. I should, dammit.
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