Most of the time, I think I edge towards the positive side of things. Okay, maybe the ironic and snide side version of positive, but still glass half full. It's not always been the case that I felt like this, but for the last several years, more often than not, I've been happy. I've had times of hurt and some pretty serious bouts of depression, but even in those moments, I knew they were temporary and would pass.
As I've mentioned before, one of the most valuable things I've learned as an adult is that emotional states are temporary. We can't always be happy and usually we're not always sad. Fear comes and goes. Anger is different with everyone, but in a healthy person, it subsides as well. It's been really important for me to begin to believe this because otherwise, moods like I'm in right now would really scare me.
See, I'm really sad right now. There has been a lot of death around me of late. It hasn't been directly connected to me, but connected to my connections, if you will. It hurts to see the people I love hurting. There has also been a lot of bad stuff happening. I feel like our government is trying to go backwards and hurt us all in the process. I know people care about this and I know they try to fight it. I'm not sure it really helps.
I don't see a lot of hope out there. I see a lot of distractions. I hear a lot of vague promises. But I don't see hope. I don't feel hopeful. To me, 'hope' leads you forward. Lately it's felt like everything is trying really hard to go backwards. I just don't see any hope in that direction.
So yes, as I sit here on a Friday night, half an hour away from midnight, I'm very sad. I assume I'll get out of it. Maybe even by the morning I'll feel better. Right now though, I just feel like crying and hiding in my room for a while. I'm pretty sure that will be for the best.
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