Goodbye, September

You know, I usually love September, but this one sucked.  It was hot, muggy, and full of things that made my sinuses scream. I did not enjoy it at all. Though, it is nice to see the clouds, rain, and cooler temps finally arriving . . . as they should have . . . like two weeks ago.

This should prove to be an eventful week for me. I'm going to watch a band tomorrow night and plan on seeing my BFF on Thursday. I might just manage to get my hair cut in the midst of all of this. Not sure, but it could happen.  I think I may do some themed blogs for October. The blog has been kind of random for a while and I need that to change. I think there needs to be some better focus and structure.

I've been working with my failed magician Monty for a while now in my Sims 3 game. He married a woman named Mercedes and they had two boys. Then . . . due to stupidity designed into the game, he grew jealous of the fact that she had a boyfriend BEFORE THEY EVEN GOT MARRIED and this escalated into a divorce.

I wasn't happy about that though. You know, normally I'll kill off or break up sims just because I don't want too many people in the house. But I LIKED this couple. They were both equally pathetic and weird. I've been trying to make them be friends for a while, but it never worked.

Finally today I remembered I had an option to erase her past.  She would have absolutely no romantic reputation for good OR for bad. I did it and now I'm working on building a relationship between them again. I think it's working. I sent them on vacation. We'll see how things go.

Saturday Sickness Report and Media Musings

I am pleased to report I seem to be almost 80ish% better. Stupid sinus hell really did me in this time though. It's been a rough week. I'm still having some issues, but things are looking up. I'm not sure I'll be back to full force workouts this week, but I will be back to more-ish workouts. Ish.

Anyway, I'm very pleased to know that Game of Thrones is dividing A Storm of Swords into two seasons of television. Of all the books so far, this one is the most densely packed with events. One of the absolute defining moments in the book happens about half way through it and would be a good place to end a season. It will also be good on an emotional level because this specific event is very shocking and painful and people will probably need a year or so to recover.

They're also having to play catch up as they weave in all the story lines and characters from A Clash of Kings that they left out of season two of the show.  One of the major problems with adapting a series of novels into a television show is that if you start making changes, even small ones, very soon you have a snowball of broken story line rolling down the mountain at you.  Somehow, you have to put everything back together or you'll lose the string that holds the story together.

A lot of TV shows have started their seasons and/or premiered. The roommate and I have checked out quite a few of the new shows and we're not finding anything we're keen to latch on to. In a lot of cases, it's simply been a matter of not really feeling there is enough substance to the show for it to be worth the trouble. In other cases, we just felt like the story has been done before, and better. I think some of the returning shows are on probation with us right now. We'll see how they develop. If they get better, awesome. If not . . . well, I'm sure we won't be the only people who stop watching.

Speaking of which, I have some stuff I need to finish watching. Then I'm off to bed for a night of sleeping under a blanket. Squee! I love this time of year.

Strange Daze

I normally don't record my dreams in the blog, but this one was so vivid and strange, I just have to. In my dream, I was doing tequila shots with my best friend. Right away, I should have known it was a dream because tequila makes me ill unless it's disguised in mixes, crushed ice, and fluffiness. Straight shots of tequila just aren't something I can handle.

Then again, in the dream, we were back to living in Tahlequah, OK.  I always get a kind of fuzzy happiness about Tahlequah because it was a place where, for the most part, I felt safe and good. Of course, when I lived there, it was my late teens/early twenties and I was accomplishing college. We weren't back in college though. We were our proper ages and everything, though I suppose I was in better shape than I am now because I decided to walk home.

When my best friend and I drink, we're happy drunks. We're loud drunks. We laugh and grin and tell stories. This time was no exception. We were laughing about something and listening to really loud music. We even sang for a while, probably not very well. Eventually, she told me she needed to rest so I  told her bye and left.

I staggered out of her apartment (because I was really drunk by this point), and hundreds of people were standing outside.  Possibly even thousands. Each of them wore an expression of shock, that kind of devastated shock that only happens when something completely horrible has occurred. They stood in small groups, whispering, murmuring. Some of them were even crying.

So here I am in the middle of this crowd, completely confused about what is going on. I'd gone from total joy inside the apartment to this place of fear and dread. It quickly sobered me up.  I searched the crowd for people I knew and located some. I made my way to them and asked what had happened.

It turns out that some high level scam artist (like Madoff level) was very close to everything blowing up in his face. Instead of facing the fallout for his crimes, he somehow convinced everyone he'd taken money from to kill themselves. While I was laughing with my best friend, all of these people took a poison and died.

Even in small numbers, this would have been tragic, but a lot of people were connected to this man. Hundreds of thousands of people were dead.  All within the last couple of hours. Some left notes. Some called loved ones as they were dying. Many didn't though.  This man had convinced them that losing all of this money was something they should be so ashamed of that they should just end everything. They listened to him.

As people were telling me this, a panic rose in the crowd. People started frantically calling everyone they knew. They were trying to confirm who was still living and then trying to see if they'd heard from others. What made it more confusing was that everyone who was trying to call kept getting incoming calls as well.

In the dream, I talked to several people to make sure they were okay. I knew they probably would be as almost everyone I know is too suspicious, paranoid, or poor to be a part of that kind of scam. Still, it was a relief to know they were okay.

It was also a relief to know they'd call to find out if I was alright as well.

Like I said, I usually don't use the blog to talk about my dreams. This one was so vivid though, and so sinister. It also had that strange vertigo of being in one emotional state to suddenly finding yourself in the exact opposite place. I wanted to write it down so I would have a record of it. I think it's going to stick with me anyway though. It makes me uncomfortable even now.

On the Mend . . . with Goals . . . and Slugs!

I am pleased to report I believe I am on the mend. I actually wanted something to eat today besides dairy! I also managed to do core work on my exercise ball. Okay, admittedly only less than ten minutes on the ball, but that is far better than the two days before.  I was just too dizzy to even try.

Still, it's frustrating that the sickness put my plans on hold. I had five goals for the week and managed to accomplish NONE of them. I'm thinking maybe the problem is that I should try and put more emphasis on stuff like that in the blog. So, here it goes.

For the first week of October, as in next week, I have the following five goals.

1. Do walking, core work, and steps every day. 
2. Edit a chapter of the book . . . why yes, there IS a book.
3. Call my father.
4. Get my hair cut.
5. Listen to that frequency stuff every night. 

You would think I could have managed to at least do ONE of the last three, but no. Then again, when I'm sick, I don't want to talk on the phone. I really didn't think I could sit through a hair cut. I'm also not sure that my level of dizziness could have handled the frequency stuff. My paranoid brain is actually wondering if my night OF listening to it is what sparked this bout of sickness in the first place.

My roommate heard noise on the front porch earlier. I have no idea what actually made the noise because I'm too disturbed by what he said he saw out there. It seems our porch was covered in about thirty very large slugs. Just...........eeeeewww. Nasty slugs.

I really hope that image isn't in my dreams tonight.

Sick Desires . . . And Less Sexy Than You would Imagine from the Title

I'm still not feeling all that well. I was squicked out by various foods today and had a bunch of lights floating in front of one of my eyes . . . even when I had it shut.   About the only thing I can eat with reasonable happiness are dairy products. This is quite strange, as they usually are the last thing I want to eat when I'm ill.  I managed to get my part of the trash out to the curb, but that was about the extent of my physical activities. It was still more than yesterday.

I need to get my hair cut. I want to bleach it blonde, but my roommate keeps giving me the stinkeye about that.  Mostly because he would be the one doing the blondening. I have no idea where this want to be blonde came from. Maybe just the fact that I've never been blonde and one of the perks of keeping my hair short is the fact that I can basically do what I want to with it and it doesn't matter because it's going to get cut soon anyway. So yeah, I want it to be blonde for once. Just for a little while. Just to say it happened, just this one time. Then I'll make it dark again and all will be right with the world.

I don't want it to look realistic blonde either. I want it to be trashy blonde. Trailer park blonde. Punker blonde. I want it to be bleached within an inch of its life and just left to burn away all color until nothing is left but just hair devoid of pigment.

I want scorched earth hair.

So yes, this is my life right now. An ill woman who can only eat dairy and crackers with any kind of peace. A woman who wishes for scorched earth hair.

Maybe in a few days, I'll be back to normal.

Sickly

Last night around nine, I started to feel really bad. Like, horrible. I wandered off to  bed, thinking a longer night of sleep would help me. It did not. Instead, I developed this horrible fever and spent the night wrecked in fever dreams . . . meaning I was waking up about every 20 minutes to switch positions, toss, turn, or stagger off into the bathroom. Honestly, it was the worst fever I have ever had. My body felt like it was boiling.

Today was sketchy. I couldn't eat breakfast and only at saltines and peanut butter for lunch. Dinner was yogurt and honey. About an hour ago, I finally managed to eat, with some happiness, a sandwich. Clearly I'm on the mend, but it's been a rough day.

It didn't help that it was hot today. This close to October, I should be in cool temps!  That didn't happen. I think it was in the 90s most of the day. That really did not help my feelings general ickiness. Even despite the heat though, I napped some today and feel more alive after it. Hopefully I'll actually sleep tonight and not just toss and turn in sick-fever-limbo.

So yeah, short post. Hopefully tomorrow things will be back to my usual rantings.

Start of a New Week

One of our fans died (the kind that makes the room cooler, not the kind  that supports you and reads your blog) which meant we had to go to the store a day early. This turned out to be awesome because there were several sales my roommate caught that would have been gone by tomorrow. Really, really good sales. It made me a happy person.

Today was a lot of fun, really. It's finally starting to get cold enough to pull blankets out into the living room. The cats always assume this is just for them, but if they get some benefit out of it, lovely. We get entertainment out of it, as one of the cats was whacking another, shorter tempered cat in the face with her tail. She still has a tail, though I'm somewhat surprised by that.

I'm wanting to do some new stuff this fall. I have been happy with the progress I've been making on a physical level and I want to see what else I can manage to change. I think I want to explore some things people have told me about or I've read about.  The first one is going to be about sound. I'm experimenting with some frequency therapy stuff. I'm going to listen to it for a week and see if I notice any changes. I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Okay, this sounds more sophisticated than it is. I'll be listening to frequency stuff on Youtube with my headphones on. If you're interested in trying it, this is the first one I'll be listening to. It's supposed to help you release serotonin.

Goodbye, Summer 2012

Dear Summer of 2012,

Many of your hot sisters of yesteryear have been quite horrible to me. During some summers, I suffered with horrible sunburns. Other summers, I languished in intense heat. Most of them have been harsh, unforgiving, and cruel.

However, you, my dear Summer of 2012, you I shall remember with fondness.  You were mild, at times, even gentle. You were forgiving at moments, allowing for rains and cooler nights. You never killed off all of the plant life outside, so the animals could flourish and thrive. I thank you for that.

Moreover, I think you because it was during your time of the year when I began to very seriously work on my health. Your hot days saw me walking the driveway.  You heated the hot stones of the porch that I sat on between reps of doing my stairs. You were my challenge, but, not too much of a challenge. I thank you for that.

Summer of 2012, I somehow managed to actually accomplish a lot during you. I as busy with projects, busy with goals, and busy having fun with the people I love. Thank you for not ruining that with heat and despair. Quite kind of you.

Many summers of my past have melted together, much like crayons will melt if you leave them out too long in the back of your car during August. You will stand out though, Summer of 2012. I will remember you with fondness and pride. I wish you well on your journey. I'm quite sure you feel the same.

The Trailblazers

A friend of mine posted a link to this article about intelligence in humans and how it plays into evolution.  The theory has a lot of holes in it because so many generalities are being used, but I think the basic idea is sound. Intelligent people tend to have an internal imperative to do things that are evolutionarily novel. In other words, intelligent people don't always behave in ways that are productive towards the normal mode of what evolution would assume.

In other words, where most people are content to be heterosexual, socially productive, financially stable, and blessed with health and children, there are some aspects of human intelligence that sparks a need to NOT have these things. There are people who desire things outside this norm, even though it doesn't always seem to be in their best interest (in a biological way) to do so.

Intelligent people tend to experiment and try new things. What will life be like if I don't eat meat? What will life be like if I don't have children? How will things change if I decide to do experiment with drugs?  All of these things are rather counter to evolution in the traditional sense, as limiting your resources (the food thing), not passing on your genes, and poisoning your system look pretty bad for the continuation of the species.

However, in larger terms, people having a need to try all of these things is very important to our continuing survival. When someone begins to experiment with a new type of lifestyle, everyone else has the benefit of seeing the results.  Take the food thing for example. Okay, so someone decides to never eat meat again. To us, this isn't such a big deal, because a lot of people live this way. But what about the FIRST person who decided to just limit their consumption to veggies? This person would face a lot of challenges. If said person happens to make a record of what they are doing, then future generations can have a guide if for some reason conditions force them to live this way in greater numbers.

I have no problem with this concept, though from the tone of the article, I somewhat got the impression that the theorist had an issue with it. It seemed like he felt that even though intelligent people have a need to be novel and do different things, he didn't think that was really such a great idea. He asks the question if you would rather be a great brain surgeon or a great parent and I assume he thinks the right answer is a great parent.

For many people, that would be the right answer, yes. However, for a select few, the answer would be brain surgeon. And they wouldn't be snarky or even shitty about that. They would mean it.

Now, if you are sitting there thinking that is monstrous, try looking at it this way. The people who have the DRIVE to perform well in their careers, who want to dedicate themselves to taking their profession or vocation or art to the next level are benefiting our species. Better brain surgeons find new ways to heal and fix brains which means more people are saved. If these people stopped doing their work and went home to have babies instead . . . well, who will be there to perform brain surgery on your baby of they need it?

Of course, many people reading the comments were offended by this. They assumed that he was saying that anyone who was living a normal, typical life wasn't intelligent. Many of them ranted about how their success was proof of their intelligence.  Hmph. I think we should all note that intelligence and what our culture deems to be success do not always go hand in hand.

Others talked about how articles like this were just 'childless liberals' ways of trying to justify their bad decisions. I can't even begin to explain all the ways that is wrong.

Instead, I'll leave you with this thought. When we as humans first started wandering around, there were those who did the stuff like hunting and gathering and having babies and whatnot. There were also the crazy motherfuckers who would run ahead of the rest of the clan, cutting down the weeds and knocking away branches. They would thrill at the thought of finding a new snake or trying a new berry. And . . . a lot of these people died in the process.

However, because they cut down the stuff in the way, everyone else could keep walking. Because they located the new snake, everyone knew what to avoid. Because they died eating that purple berry, everyone else knew not to eat it. People benefited from their strange ways and they lived a life that made them happy.

Honestly, where is the downside?

No Place Like

The blog post I did earlier today (which would have been written last night if I had gotten my act together) was written on my best friend's laptop. It's sad how novel and happy this made me. I had no idea I would feel so special blogging on someone' else's computer. Silly, yes, but true. I felt like I was getting away with something. I always like feeling that I'm getting away with something.

My roommate and I had a good evening. The person who annoyed us on Project Runway went home. Dinner was nice and we were both in rather good moods. Even the cats were mostly friendly. I like evenings like this. I think one of the things that makes the place you are living in a 'home' is having evenings like this. Okay, maybe someone getting kicked of a reality show isn't needed, but you know, the mutual enjoyment of something. For us it just happened to be someone getting kicked off of a reality show.

When I was a kid, I didn't really understand how important having a home was. I had places where I lived, but my mother was never really stable enough to make those places homes. It was closer when I lived with my grandparents, but enough. I always felt like an invader, like someone who truly wasn't wanted.

It wasn't until I was an adult and able to make my own decisions about what would happen in my life that I started to value the concept of Home. Home is safe. Home is relaxed. Home is casual. Home is nurturing. Home is fun. Home is loving. Home is giving. Home is calm.

Of course, even the best of homes can't always be all of these things. Sometimes, circumstances go sideways and your home is NONE of these things. However, once you have it and you know you can have it, you fight as hard as you can to get it back. Once you have a home, you want to keep it no matter what.

Home doesn't have to be a location. If your home is connected to people or animals or a state of mind, you can move from place to place and still feel home. Home doesn't have to be perfect. In fact, sometimes the challenges of a home and how you overcome them are what makes it home for you.

I love the rituals of my home. I love how we have traditions that follow the seasons. I love it when we cook together. I love it when we find new ways to make it work better for us.

I love that my home is not just a haven for me but for other animals. We take care of cats, both indoors and out. Humming birds live part of the year in bushes in our front yard. Other birds shelter in our trees.  A patch of mint and a patch of petunias  give both food and shade to many bugs and birds during the summer. We have a safe place for them.

So yes, as someone nearing her 40s, I must say I am quite proud of this home I am part of. It's one of the many things that has kept me going over the years. It's a concept I finally understand and one I'm happy to have.

Notes from the Overground

I didn't post last night because I was working on another project. I thought I would have time for both, but it didn't work out that way.  Admittedly, I could have started the other thing earlier, but there were other things going on, like me dicking around with Facebook games. Ahh, I do that way too much.

Still, I'm quite happy I was even in the place where I was working on two projects at once. That, for me, is a new thing. In fact, more and more of my time is becoming productive time. Which, okay, I still spend a lot of it just doing whatever, but there is progress towards nonwasted minutes. Awesome.

For instances, yesterday I did morning exercise, some minor housework, had coffee with a friend, had a fun time with my roommate, and worked on my writing project. Oh, and yeah, dicked around on Facebook. I was also in a rather good mood while doing all of this. I know a lot of this is due to the fact that I'm taking my meds again (better living through chemistry, donchaknow), but I think more of it is due to my changing thought patterns and philosophies.

Oh, speaking of Facebook, I know I complain about the silly messages that people post constantly, but I saw one the other day that I really want to embrace.  It said, "Sometimes when you don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's because you ARE the light." I'm not sure what the message was supposed to be.  However, the way I see it, this means that if you don't see a way towards your goals, it's best to remember that you ARE the way. You are your own best source of guidance. You are the one who can lead you to the places you want to go.

So as I am coming into the Fall season, what will I be my own Light towards? Strength. Balance. Supportive of myself and others. Creative. Organized. Funny. Brave. Wild. Beautiful. This is where I am leading myself. I'm damned proud of that.

The Things I Learned from Hannibal

I've been watching Battles B.C., which is truly the most awesome show ever.  Okay, it might not be awesome for everyone, but it is for me because I'm a war history nerd and have a thing for BCE timeline. A show were other history nerds talk about battles just makes me has happy as pie.

Anyway, Hannibal Barca is known in history as doing a lot of massage damage to the Roman Republic during the second Punic War.  He was a son of Carthage and wanted to get revenge on Rome for the Republic's harsh treaty with his city after the first Punic War.  You know, one of those revenge and repeat kind of deals.

So if you know anything about history at all, I'm sure it will occur to you that Hannibal didn't succeed. He lost his war against the Romans. In fact, he kind of helped to set up the chain of events that would eventually lead to Roman becoming an empire and Carthage being destroyed. You'll also notice he's still famous though.  We can learn a lot from Hannibal.

1. If you are going to engage in a conflict, it's always best to do it on your terms.

When Hannibal could coax the Romans into fighting him, he almost always won. Even though the Romans outnumbered him and had a higher degree of discipline and training than his army, Hannibal was damned good at beating them.  No matter what they tried to hit him with on the battlefield, he could find a way around it.  At one battle, his army killed 70,000 Romans in about six hours.

The problem, however, was that the Romans knew they didn't HAVE to fight him. He was in their lands and dealing with men who were growing more discontented everyday. The Romans knew that all they had to do was keep making sure he couldn't resupply himself and eventually he would run out of food and equipment.  Once this happen, he was beaten and he would have to go home.

So if you have to confront someone or otherwise engage them in a conflict, make sure to control as much of the situation as possible. The more things that are happening on your terms, the better off you will be.

2. Don't waste your energy on a war you can't win.

Like I said, Hannibal was very good at winning battles. The problem was, he started a war he couldn't win WITH just battles. Even as a republic, Rome was just too big for him. His plan to kill lots of soldiers and then try to get Rome to treat Carthage better just wasn't a winning strategy.

The sad thing is, Hannibal's father had spent a great deal of his life conquering Spain. By taking Spain, he had given Carthage a huge tactical and economic advantage, especially considering Rome had practically destroyed their seafaring abilities during the first Punic War. IF Hannibal had applied himself to securing Spain and building up the defenses, he could have expanded in other directions and made Carthage strong enough to not even worry about Rome at all.

This is a slightly different philosophy than the old saying 'choose your battles wisely." The idea there implies that the 'war' in which these battles are being fought is one you want or at least have no way to leave. What I'm talking about is more along the lines of 'choose your wars wisely.' Now, we don't always have a choice in this matter. When we do, however, it is always best to consider long and hard if you truly want to involve yourself in a conflict.  You need to decide if it is one you can win, and, even if you do win, if it is worth what it may cost you.

3. Don't less success fool you.

Hannibal was GOOD at winning battles. He could think fast on his feet. He was inspiring to his warriors. He was deadly in his own right. He was smart, bold, and   knew how to take advantage of even the smallest bit of luck he had. All of this added up to a string of some of the most deadly and successful battles in history.

It also added up to him losing his ability to really assess the situation. He kept winning battles, but it didn't matter because he couldn't win the war. In the end, he lost a lot of people, all of his elephants, blinded himself in one eye, and met defeat and shame. In a way, it would have almost been better if he lost his first battle horribly and went home then. At least less people would have died.

Early success can be very detrimental for us. It can make us forget to practice, forget to study. It can cause us to make foolish decisions that will cost us later on. Think about how many people during the early 2000s got these crazy mortgages they couldn't pay back, all the while thinking they would keep getting promotions and pay increases at their jobs. It backfired so badly on them, all because they would deluded by early success.

Succeeding is great, but we always need to keep it in perspective. The catch line of Project Runway, 'one day you're in and the next day you're out,' is true of any profession.  Quite often how well we do in life isn't determined so much by how well we succeed but by how well we prepare for and bounce back from failure.

I have to admit I admire the hell out of Hannibal. He was completely Quixotic, but brilliantly so. He made a lasting impression on history and did things by 27 that most of us will never do in 100 years. In the end though, he died without accomplishing his goals. Rome grew into the greatest and most famous empire in the world and Carthage was lost to the ages.

Of course, in my mind, there is always the fantastic speculation of what could have happened had he won . . .

Feet off the Ground and You Let Go . . .

So I was on my exercise ball this morning, you know, trying not to fall off, and I started thinking about balance. Balance is a goal I work on with the ball . . . one that is very far from me at the moment. If my feet are off the floor, I still have to hold onto stuff or I will plummet to the floor. I can let go for a few seconds, but only a few. Though, those seconds are increasing every day.

Today, as I was in those moments when I've let go of everything, I realized that one of the reasons I lose my balance is because I over compensate. If I start to fall towards the right, I always shift hard towards the left....which puts me just as out of balance, if not more so.  Balance isn't about large shifts. It's about small, subtle movement. It's about understanding how to yield when you need to, how to shift when necessary.

And yeah, I'm going somewhere with this. See, trying to balance on this ball is kind of a metaphor for how I've lived most of my life. Feet off the ground, holding on to something, trying my best not to faceplant into the ground. And every time I was just brave enough to let go of whatever was holding me up, I would panic and overcompensate just as soon as things started to slide.

The overcompensation is always where the problems come in. As soon as I would react to my fear of falling, I would do something that just unraveled everything I'd accomplished in those few brief moments of bravery.

I don't really know HOW to balance.

It's one of those concepts I think most of us have a fairly good working theory about. We understand the concept and we comprehend the benefits.  We just don't know how to get there.

I also think that balance is something we look at wrong. I've been seeing it as some kind of eventual goal. "Oh when I do A and B and C -Y, I will have balance." I'm starting to suspect that the way to achieve more balance is to begin by getting a little bit of it, then just building on it. The more balance you have, the easier it is to get more.

For instance . . . I'm trying to find a nice balanced diet.  Not some crazy extreme thing, but something to where I eat enough to never feel deprived but not so much that I keep gaining weight. But to do this, my mind has to be in the right place about it. So, the more balanced my mind, the more balanced my diet. The more balanced my diet, the more balanced my hormones, which means the more even the chemical production, which means more balance to my mind. It begins to spiral into a better and better thing.

This is kind of awesome because usually my spiralling is bad.

Anyway, the balance thing is now one of those things I'm going to be thinking about a lot. It's a new place to start trying to build some strength. Bravery and balance. My new focus. Wow.

The Personal Brand

A few seasons ago on Top Model, Tyra introduced the girls to the concept of personal branding. I hated this idea. I think I even blogged about how much I hated the idea (after almost 550 posts, it's hard to keep track). The idea that our society has become so narrow that we judge people on how they are branded as opposed to who they truly are is horrible.

And yet . . . and yet . . . face it; it's true. We are in a culture of soundbites. We access people in about three words. Loud Political Jackass. Self-Serving Widow. Wannabe Rock Star. None of those are pleasant, but not all branding is bad. Sometimes those three words we give people are awesome. Funny Poet Chick. Brave Artistic Mom. Adorable Cat Lover.

Perhaps that last one is a mixed bag? But I digress.

Of late, Facebook people have been posting a lot of pics about how 'You don't know me so don't judge me' or 'You shouldn't believe what people who hate me say.' You know, that kind of thing. And it is true. Most of these people do NOT know you.

What they DO know and what they base their opinions on is what you post, what you write, what you tweet, how you act, and what you project about yourself. And yes, they may also know you from other people's words, but, really, that matters very little in contrast to what you can do yourself.

In the same way that you are responsible for your own safety, you are also responsible for your own brand. And let me be clear on this. Your responsibility in both cases begins at the fact that you can choose to NOT be in charge of this, leave it to others, and accept the outcome . . . or you can take an active role, work on it yourself, and do a lot to control the outcome.

Try this.

1. Ask yourself a simple question.  When other people look at me, what three words do I want to pop into their heads? Think about that for a while and consider the pros and cons of each choice.
   
2. Now that you have your three words, start considering people you know who are good examples of these words. Write down the qualities these people possess that you connect with your labels.
   
3. Once you have your list of qualities, begin to connect them to aspects of your life. This is a little bit tricky and it is the place where people can really go wrong with branding. You have to be genuine here. You can't brand yourself with something you don't have. But there are ways to work around it. For instance, if you admire a singer because of her talent and you can't sing, think about another way in which one of your qualities is SIMILAR to singing. Can you dance? Knit? Write? Take whatever your personal talent is and begin to work on it in the way that this singer works on her talent.
   
4. Project your brand to others. When you use social media, use it in a way that doesn't contrast with your brand. If your brand includes 'environmental,' don't take pictures of yourself littering. If your brand includes 'mature family man,' don't post pictures of half naked girls who are half your age. Remember: You are trying to present a certain image of yourself. Don't undermine this image.
   
5. Keep in mind that this is shallow, but don't let that frustrate you. Branding isn't going to make people fall in love with you. It isn't going to get you best friends for life. It may, however, get you a job. It may get the attention of someone who might become more deeply interested in you down the line. It may prevent people from believing rumors about you. This isn't about the engine of the car, this is about having a strong paint job.

Like I said, I am still rather resentful of the fact that we have to do this. It would be nice to live in a world where no one judged books by covers and everyone just delighted in finding out the true depth of others.  That isn't the society we live in though and if we waste our time complaining about that, we'll have less time to adapt.  Branding may be annoying, but it is something you can take charge of and control in your life. It's something you can work on and hone into an image that works well for you. In short, it is a tool for you to use. It's always good to have many tools.

Political Blues: Better Communication

Yesterday I talked about how many people are getting burned out with political status updates on Facebook. I even talked about ways to block them. However, I felt that many people who feel that they should post about and discuss their political views would find it frustrating and counter-productive if my only solution to the issue was just to have people ignore them. In their interest and in  the interest of stronger political discourse, I'll offer some hints on how NOT to be obnoxious with your political posts.

• NO ONE LIKES A ONE TRACK MIND. Okay, so you feel very strongly about the state of politics in this world. I get it. Most of us do. However,  if that is all you talk about, you aren't making your points so much as you are just coming off as obsessive. Look at your social media updates. Are more than half of them about politics? Do you find ways to turn even an innocent comment into a political statement? Do you comment on people's pictures of their kids with messages of how those kids won't have a future if X is president?
  
  If so, you are boring the shit out of people. When they see your name on a comment, they aren't revving up to read how you managed to their nonpoltical status about going to Taco Bell into a full fledged war about immigration. Instead, when they see your name, their bracing themselves for whatever mess you have probably started.
  
  Now think about that. Your political message is being approached with feelings of apprehension and dread. How well do you think that message is going to come across? The best solution here is just to make some rules about how often you will post about political things. Once a day is okay. Once a week is better. In fact, best would be to have a political blog that you just give a link to on occasion. That way your politics is seen by those who choose to see it and not by just everyone who happens to be your friend.
  
• SHARE WHO YOU ARE, NOT JUST THE ASPECT OF YOU THAT IS POLITICAL. I'm going to be honest with you here. When I see someone who JUST posts political stuff, unless I know enough about them to decide otherwise, the impression I usually have of them is that they are insecure. They want to be seen and heard, but don't feel comfortable enough to really share themselves. They want to seem well-informed and deep, but don't want to risk revealing too much of their inner thoughts. So they hide behind politics.
  
  I'm not talking about over-sharing here. I don't want to hear private details about your intimate life.  But, you know, real stuff about you. Talk about what makes you happy (that isn't politics), talk about how you feel about the time of year (and not what it has to do with elections), or discuss what is going to make you happy in the near future (but not something that has to do with politics).
  
  I have a friend who is very funny and insightful. She posts about her garden, her animals, and her day-to-day life. I know what she is looking forward to, what is currently making her happy, and what she holds to be the firm foundation of her life. At the same time, she posts a lot of political stuff. However, because I get to read all this other stuff about her as well, I'm not turned off by the political posts, because I know they are just a small part of all I will get from her.
  
• DO NOT CONSTANTLY BLAST THE OPPOSING PARTY AND ITS PEOPLE. If you want to discuss politics, do so in a way that invokes positive responses. Talk about the merits of your candidate. Outline their plans and how they will improve things. Give examples of their successes from the past.
  
  Because, when you JUST post about how evil the opposing party is, you don't come off as a mature adult. In fact, when you read one of these long posts with lots of comments attached to it, it often looks like it was written with the venom extracted from mean girl 7th graders. It's just catty and spiteful and completely uncalled for. And yes, I know I can be catty and spiteful as well. I tend to do that in the blog though, where, again, people can come and read if they choose to do so. It's not being inflicted on everyone on some social media site.
  
• NO ONE WANTS TO BE ON THE SAME SIDE AS THE JERKS. Remember that when you are promoting a cause, you become a representative of that cause. The more personable and likable you are, the better your chances of finding allies. The more annoying you are . . . well, no one wants to side with the annoying people.
  
  With this in mind, it is important to always remember the image you are projecting when you discuss politics. Are you coming off as charming and trustworthy? Will you be perceived as rational and level-headed? Or are you coming off as some blowhard bully who is trying to force others to believe as they do?
  
  Like it or not, a lot of people vote emotionally. There are a lot of voters who end up choosing the side that annoyed them the least. For them, it really is the lesser of two evils.
  
  When we communicate with each other, we aren't just doing so with our reason.  We also communicate on an emotional level. If you can establish a rapport with someone, if you can find common ground or promote positive feelings, then what you have to say about politics is going to be taken in a much better light.
  
  At the same time, you don't want to JUST make emotional appeals. Most people are savvy enough to know you're just trying to manipulate them. Use logic in your arguments, but choose words that evoke emotions of receptiveness and comfort. Engage people in the conversation, don't just rant at them. 

After this election is finished, one side is going to be sitting around wondering where things went wrong.  If they are smart, they won't start blaming others or looking for conspiracy theories. That will get them no where. Instead, hopefully, they will consider how they pitched their message and analyze how it was perceived. If they do this, they will begin to see how a lot of why they lost had to do with a breakdown in communication between the party and the voters. If they're smart, they'll start finding ways to change that.

See, this is what I hope happens. More than likely, it won't. They'll blame the media or blame a certain segment of voters or blame funding or just the system as a whole. The people who post about political stuff on Facebook will continue to do so in their abrasive and overbearing way, only now they will make snide comments about how the country is falling apart but it isn't THEIR fault because THEY didn't vote for X who is now president. And everyone else will be annoyed at their snideness and vow never to vote on their side ever. 

Facebook Posting Political Blues

A few days ago, I was reading FB posts and happened to see someone had told one of my friends they had defriended her mother. She went on to say that while she loved this person's mother, she could no longer abide reading her political posts. This turned into a long fight between various friends and in the end, I'm guessing more people got defriended. And thus is the state of political discourse in our country.

Although Facebook has been around for a while now, it has gained tons of new users in the last four years. This means that for many, many people, this will be their first election where they are around all the various and intense opinions of everyone else. It means that the old high school chum who posts cute pictures of their kid is now posting memes demonizing one of the candidates.  It means your cousin that you used to spend the summer with is now writing long posts about how the country will go to hell if X person is elected instead of Y person. It means that the people who respond to all those requests for crap from your timesuck Facebook games will now spend their time talking about how half of the country is being fooled by the media because they don't watch the media they do.

What can be done about this?

It would be great to just ignore it, but that is becoming increasingly difficult. Every day, more and more people are adding to the venom, in some cases just because they've seen so many political posts by this point they just can't help themselves. We really can't just start posting about how much the political stuff annoys us, because that will not make anyone stop.  They'll just start complaining about freedom of speech and how it's their Facebook and they can post what they like. And this is true. They can post what they like and have total right to do so. It is also true they have freedom of speech.

There is always an interesting little catch to the freedom of speech thing though. Just because you have the right to say whatever you want doesn't mean I have to listen. I have the right to ignore you.

In fact, Lifehacker recently wrote an article about how to do just that. I installed this and, while it's not perfect, it does save me from the majority of the political stuff. You have to keep adding words though, because sometimes people think they are being cleaver by not saying a candidate's name. You know how it goes. "Our country is so messed up because SOMEONE thought they could run it but SOMEONE was seriously mistaken." Yeah, that stuff. With a little tweaking though, you eventually get to where most of the political stuff is gone.

Facebook itself also has a Hide Post option. Now, I don't just use this for political stuff. Any time someone posts a picture of a hurt animal or something I find disturbing or offensive, I'll hide the post. That way I don't have to see it over and over again as I'm scrolling down my wall to look for that one game request I missed or a video I didn't get to in time.   I usually don't like Facebook 'improvements,' but the Hide Post option is one of their bests. I'm very glad that happened.

Now, if you are reading this article and you are someone who does post a lot of political stuff, before you get all offended that I'm telling people how to ignore you and your message, I want you to take a step back and consider what I'm really saying here. I'm not saying that your opinion isn't valid. I'm not saying your political party is horrible.

What I am saying is that you are failing to effectively communicate your political views because you are getting the hell on everyone's nerves.

My guess is that isn't your intention (unless you are like SOMEONE I know who seems to take delighted bemusement in offending people politically, but I consider his goal here to be some kind of morbid performance art).  My guess is that you truly want people to listen to your message. If that is the case, there are some things you can try to do that can perhaps make your communication more effective.  In fact, I'll be posting about them tomorrow night. Until then, please answer my Chefville request.

Getting Hurt

I am exercising more now and as I have mentioned before, every increase brings on sore muscles and protesting joints.  I still managed to walk though, because I know the pain will subside after a few days. When you're my size, every adjustment your body makes, even a positive one, causes a lot of discomfort. In this case, it's worth it.

This new 'being brave' thing is still so new to me that I'm having to do a lot of accessing. I'm coming across a lot of situations where I'm sticking my neck out just far enough that it could get cut. Again, the risk is worth it.  But there will be pain.

The thing is, one of the fundamental mistakes I've been making for a long time is that I've been afraid of that pain. I didn't want to face physical pain or injury, so I wouldn't work out. I didn't want to face the pain of rejection so I wouldn't try to push my talents. I didn't want to face the pain of failure, so I didn't try.

In all this effort to keep myself from hurting, I painted myself into a corner. I left myself with so few options that eventually I did practically lose everything. The error I made was in assuming that if I didn't try stuff, if I didn't take risks, I could keep from getting hurt.

I got hurt anyway. I suffered, I wept, I spent nights in hopelessness . . . and because I'd not risked anything in the process, I had nothing to show for it.

Slowly, inch by inch, this is beginning to change. I'm not quite to the point of living by the mantra 'Do Brave Things,' but I'm getting closer. Living in fear hasn't gotten me very far. I think it's time I started seeing what I can do if I try the bravery sometimes.

Will I get hurt, rejected, and see a lot of failure? Yes, of course I will. Then again, that Dyson dude failed to make that properly working vacuum like a million times before he perfected it. And now he makes a lot of money and gets to be smug on TV.

Dominoes

Interestingly, the people most important in my life are all making huge positive changes in their lives right now. That's awesome and I'm very proud of them . . . well, of US, really, because I'm making positive changes in my life as well.  It's like this really great place to be in, when you're watching people doing things that just really impact their lives in a good way. I'm probably never going to get used to being deeply happy and proud of people, but I must say it's an emotion I've come to love.

For me, the first domino of this happened two Thanksgivings ago when my roommate started his blog. For a while he had been looking for a blog to read about someone's accounts of living day by day with an HIV+ status.  He couldn't find one and finally decided to start his own.  Everyday since then, he has written. His blog is often educational, usually funny, always insightful, poignant, and brave. When he started it, I felt that proud/happy sensation because I was so happy his voice would be out there again.

Once he started blogging, he kind of talked me into doing it as well. I hesitated for a while because I didn't think I would stick with it and because, quite frankly, I can get so very shy. Yes, I know the irony in that. Still, once I realized I could screen comments, I poked my metaphorical toe in the water and began to write again.

The blog has been immensely important to me. It's helped to bring more structure to my mind. It's made me have a goal to work on every day. It's built my confidence.  It's allowed me to speak about subjects I would normally just keep inside, like my struggles with depression and anxiety. It's helped to heal my soul about a lot of subjects. I write a lot about my mother and my grandmother.  Given that there isn't a way for me to reconcile the relationships I had with them, it's quite helpful to have a place to really work through those feelings.

I feel like I have my voice again and I needed it back. In the darkest days of my depression, I don't think I could even speak inside myself. Only the illness spoke, well, screamed really. I was silenced by my own chemical imbalance and it was the scariest thing.

If I hadn't started blogging, I wouldn't be writing fiction again. All writing, fiction or non-fiction, is about putting the Truths in your head into words others can read .  . . even if those Truths are made up worlds. If you don't understand how to look for the words inside of you or if you can't coax those words out of you, then your writing doesn't work. Blogging allowed me to find my words again.

If I hadn't started blogging, I wouldn't be walking or working out. I know that seems odd.  However, for me, exercise is so much about being consistent. I have gotten into the habit of being consistent because of my blogging. Once I could do this in one aspect of my life, it has been easier to apply it to others.

If I hadn't started blogging, I wouldn't have progressed as far as I have in therapy. Blogging helps me to purge a lot of stuff. It forces me to give structure to my unstructured emotional state before I can write about it. By doing this, I can shed a lot of the baggage and chaos I was just allowing to build up inside me.   Sometimes I even have many positive things to say when I go to therapy.

So, in the interest of paying it forward, I want to do for any readers out there the same wonderful thing my roommate did for me. I want to encourage you to start a blog. If you are like him and feel there is a topic you want to discuss, awesome. Do so. If you are like me and just want to randomly write about everything, that is great as well. Blogging is a wonderful thing. It can be a truly good spot in your life and day. Try it out. It might just do wonders for you.

Topic Control: The Intoxicating Need to Belong

Some of my posts have been getting more reads than usual. *waves* Hi, new readers. Glad for you to join. I write about all kinds of random stuff. Anyway, I usually do this thing on Monday called Topic Control where I let someone choose what I'm going to discuss. Today, that shall be the Salem Witch Trials.

When I was younger, I would have stuck to the horrors of witch trials, the motivations behind them, and how deeply angry they make me. I could also reflect on how one of the reasons this subject always makes me angry is because I know I would have been one of the people on trial. They always put the loudmouthed women on trial, especially the ones who don't fit in with the normal people. My only consolation would be the fact that if it was a hanging, my fat ass would probably pull the whole scaffolding down. Hah!

I think what I want to talk about instead about is the fact that none of the girls who were doing the accusing stopped in the middle of this and put an end to it. None of them paused for a moment and said, "You know what? Goodwife Smyth really DIDN'T poison my cow with her mind. I made that shit up." They just kept on creating the stories.

Now, the question is, why did none of them try to stop this? Was it fear over what would happen to them if they admitted to their wrongdoing? Was it a power trip from being able to end so many people's lives? Was it deep evilness and pettiness caused by being in a society that emphasized sin and punishment? Was it truly just some kind of group insanity?

I think they were high. And I don't mean they were ingesting magic berries or something. I think they were intoxicated off of being part of a group with so much ability and power to cause change. These girls, as a group, were for a while, the most powerful and feared people in Salem. Belonging isn't some trivial need. It is a very strong human need, a need that can drive people to great lengths. People will debase themselves to belong. They will submit to rules and regulations. They will allow themselves to be tortured. They will kill.

This group of girls had probably received next to no attention all of their lives. They were, after all, just girls. They were expected to marry and have babies and tend to their families and that was all. Yet somehow, they found themselves as the center of attention. They were the core of the larger religious group. They were the defenders of the righteous and the messengers of God. That kind of power and belonging after a lifetime of having very little attention paid to you must have been astounding. Of course they would keep accusing more and more people. How else could they keep their spotlight.

The hardest thing any of them could have done would have been to break free from the hold that group dynamic had on them. It was the most important thing in their lives. Other people were dying because of it, but that mattered little compared to insuring the group and the group's power continued.

I think our current culture underestimates the power of the offer to belong. We tend to see ourselves as such individuals that we forget how powerful the Group concept is. We also forget how important inclusion can be.

It's kind of illogical that we do this, as we see the impact of Group all the time. Gangs won't sell each other out because of their loyalty to the group. People pay tons of money to go to sporting events so they can be part of the group of fans. Every year, at least some frat house gets in trouble because they were willing to go too far in how they treat their pledges. And these same pledges would do almost anything to be a part of that group.

The problem is, when you ignore the power of the group and the power of belonging, you lose a huge advantage in how you can communicate and persuade people.  As the election is approaching, I'm seeing politicians making this mistake over and over. With a lot of them, the message seems to be "I am here to support THESE people. But not THESE people, because they suck and will never belong." When they do that, they will only get the support of the first group of people.

No one is going to vote for someone who doesn't include them.

So when you are in a place where you need to persuade someone, keep the need to belong in mind. Find common ground with them. Find the situations where you and this person connect. Be inviting. Be open. The more you make them feel emotionally comfortable, the more effective you will be.

Pros, Cons, and Tactics

I've been thinking about this article fairly much all day. The author does a good analysis of all three situations, and I find myself frustrated and annoyed with each of them, though more so with TAM.

The article talks about how sexism has been addressed and handled in three different cons this year. At one con, a female writer was followed and bothered by a long standing volunteer who had a strong presence in the community. She told him repeatedly to stop before finally reporting him. Even though the con had a zero tolerance for sexual harassment, he was only given a slap on the wrist until people began to protest the situation.  Finally he was ban from the con for life.

In the third situation, a proactive approach was taken even before the con started. Women made penalty cards and would hand them out to people who bothered them.  They could just hand the person the card without really having to engage them or speak to them any more than that. This approach seemed to have worked quite well.

The situation discussed in the middle of the article was the most disheartening. It had to do with a con for skeptics. A situation that started out small but ballooned into almost a war within the skeptic community has continued to cause a lot of problems on both sides. In the end, the people who make decisions about the con decided they didn't want to address sexual harassment or feminism because that 'wasn't the focus' of the con itself.

Hmm. From my perspective, that is about as logical as saying, 'we don't want to address the fact that the building is on fire because we're here to talk about atheism.' If there is a problem that could destroy your community, it needs to be addressed.

It seems that this situation in the skeptic community has gotten really ugly. Many of the women who are skeptic feminists have been bullied and threatened by the male members and insulted and belittled in some rather harsh ways. I think it is important to look at what such behavior truly says. After all, one of the most important aspects of communication is to understand not only what your words and actions mean to you, but also how they can be perceived. Perception is, after all, vital to the success of communication.

So here we have a group of presumably intelligent people who are denying in a rather aggressive and abrasive fashion that there isn't a problem with sexism within their group. Their tactic for handling this is to belittle and threaten the women within the group who are making the accusations. What does this say about them?

1. It says that they are deeply defensive people. This makes sense. Atheists and other skeptics are often treated poorly in our society. There are even states where they can't hold office. Like many other groups who have had to fight every step of the way to be heard, they tend to react to any threat in an aggressive manner.

2. They believe they are above something as base as being sexist. People who believe they are enlightened often convince themselves that they are rational and logical and fair at all times. If they say something, it is rational and logical and fair. If someone doesn't see that . . . they are stupid. If they say something that IS off color or politically incorrect, it is because they are making a deep and important point and anyone who is offended is too sensitive or just doesn't get it.

3. They don't believe the rules that apply to others really apply to them. A while back, I blocked a guy on FB because he talked about what a feminist ally he was, but kept posting pictures of nakedish girls who were half his age and making lewd comments about it. I'm not saying someone has to be nonsexual to be a supporter of women, but when someone presents himself as having the same basic attitude about how fun it is to objectify women that one finds with misogynists, then maybe this someone who take a good hard look at what he really believes.

Look, everyone has their sexual hangups. And probably a lot of people have some pretty sexist ideas lurking in their brains. After all, the person who is typing this still has the urge to disappear if she knows a man who is a stranger is going to be near her. I GET that sometimes our feelings about a gender as a whole can override seeing people as individuals, no matter what kind of bits and pieces they have. However, I also know that this is my problem and I can't be defensive if someone expresses how I made them feel about the situation. I should be calm and objective and explain my side of it, then let it go.

In the end, I think a good measure of any behavior comes down to this, before you do something, ask yourself, "So . . . if someone did this to me and I didn't like this person or know this person, how would I feel?" I always try to keep this in mind when I interact in public spaces. At the end of the day, I don't think most of us want to think we're just assholes.

Foundation

My grandmother played basketball when she was in high school. She also ran track and told me that running had been a part of her life all of her life. She was one of those farm kids who had the mile trek down to the mailbox. Because of this, all of her life, until the last year of her life, she had fabulous legs. She was always complimented on them.  Seriously, always. The woman was known for her great legs.

So here was the woman with great legs and her fat little granddaughter. I had fat little stubby legs that looked ugly and awkward. I hated my legs. Fat legs caused so many problems. You can't wear boots (and I always wanted to wear boots). You can't wear pantyhose or stalkings or even socks without them trying to roll down.  In general, they always look bad.

As I got older and my weight increased, I hated my legs even more. They always hurt. They always threatened to give out on me. I would fall quite often. I would trip. When I was a junior in high school, I managed to break my left leg and it still has some disfuction. Years of water retention and other issues caused even more problems. By the time I was in my mid30s, my legs were constantly swollen and full of fluid, yes, even on top of the fat.

By the way, as a side note, I would like to point out to anyone who sneers when people mention they have huge fluid retention issues that it is not always an excuse as to why they are big.  I'm sure it is for some people, but not for all of us. To be honest, I would rather deal with ten lbs of fat on my body than one lb of water. Fat is gushy and soft and easy to handle. Fluids are dense and protruding and can be very, very painful.

Anyway, when I started making lifestyle changes, I began with my legs. This was something I'd never really done before.  I'd increased my activity levels, but never focused and centered around core and legs. This time, however, it was the best option for me.

And truthfully, it's been the best thing I could do. Finding strength in my legs has made such a profound change in my life. Over the several months I have been doing this, the changes in my walking, my sitting down, my standing back up, and my getting up and down off of the floor have been so significant. Mobility increases have come at a steady but very clear pace. It's actually been very glorious.

I know I will never have my grandmother's legs. I'll never be complimented or praised on them. However, every day, I'm gaining control over how MY legs will be shaped and how they will function. It is making a complete difference in my life.

If you are someone who is in that place where you are very seriously lacking in mobility, I can tell you that if you work at it, it will come to you. Even if you have to start out with very small goals. My first goal was just to walk my driveway. Overtime, that has increased to walking it a couple of times a day or walking it and then doing stairsteps. It's been slow and it has been, at times, very painful.

However, now I can walk through the house and not be breathless. I can stand up for longer periods of time. I can do some squats and lunges. Every day, I gain more strength.

And every day, I see changes in my legs. Pockets of fluid are shrinking. Bloated areas are becoming more healthy looking. A normal leg shape is returning. It's actually fascinating to watch.

The best part though, is knowing that when I stand up, I won't be facing as much pain as I used to. I won't feel so out of control as I shuffle from point A to point B. I won't dread walking to the car or bringing in shopping bags.  I can do this with more ease and confidence than I have had in years. All because I was brave enough to take those first steps.

Bravery and Other Foreign Concepts

This isn't going to be a huge post, however, if you're interested in reading stuff by me, go here.  I entered a story story contest and this is primarily what I did today.  You have no idea how absolutely nervous this made me. It's been so long since I entered my fiction in, well, anything. For many years, I'd lost faith even in my ability to write. I credit blogging with the renewed ability to write again.

I'm also becoming more brave. Bravery isn't a concept I'm very used to. I tend to just immobilize and do nothing. Too much PTSD over the years. Lately though, I'm trying to be a braver person, even if it's just shutting my eyes and jumping. Okay, not literally. The idea of me jumping is kind of horrifying. At least for right now.

Anyway, I have no expectations about how well the story will do. I love it, but of course I would. We'll see how it does. The important thing is that I entered a contest again.

Political Blahs

Today on Facebook, someone posted that everyone already know who they're going to vote for, so what is the point of waiting until November. It's just going to piss people off and allow them to defriend people. This is a good point, actually. I think everyone has already made up their mind that they will be a donkey, an elephant, or just abstain from the whole process. Or, you know, vote for one of those minor parties that no one talks about.

I think I could really get behind a candidate if they were being honest about stuff. You know, just kind of gave honest slogans for everything.

• Vote for me because having a political position is the only way I will ever get medical insurance.
• Vote for me. I probably won't fix anything, but I won't screw up anything either. In fact, I'll just sit at my seat and make sure nothing screws up.
• Vote for me because I'm totally insure and need to be validated by lots and lots of people.
• Vote for me because with my hair, this really the only job I'll ever be able to get.
• Do you dislike that other person who has this job? Then vote for me . . . I couldn't be worse than that dude.

Those are just some general ones for any politician out there. When it comes to the president, I think there are certain other things they could promise that I could completely support.

• If you vote for me, I vow to never interrupt TV on the nights when good shows are on. 
• If you vote for me, I promise to keep all speeches under five minutes. 
• Vote for me because I'll be entertaining like Clinton but not slutty like Clinton. 
• Vote for me and I promise not to let my ego get in the way of running the country.
• If you vote for me, I promise to not embarrass the country when I go to visit other places.  

I don't really think all of this is too much to ask, especially the TV one. There is nothing that will make me loathe a politician more than if they keep interrupting the  shows I actually want to see. No one wants to see their face every week. I know people like FDR's radio program, but that was RADIO. It's not like there were tons of choices at that point.

Anyway, I know that finding a politician who is logical, rational, and interested in staying out of my business is impossible. On the rare occasion that people like this actually run for office, they usually lose because they scare too many people. Instead, we're left with a collection of bobbleheads and blowhards who all make me rather uncomfortable.

I will be so glad when this is over.

The Measure of Morality

I was talking with my best friend tonight about 1972 Olympics and how I found the terrorist attack that happened to be one of the most reprehensible things imaginable. I commented that I don't consider myself a deeply moral person, but for someone to attack something like the Olympics to be deeply base and horrible.

I guess in my own way, I am a moral person. I base my morality off of the idea that my actions and decisions shouldn't purposefully destroy the well being of others. Now, I'm not saying to be a doormat who just goes out of her way to please everyone all the time. Sometimes people can be way too demanding and sometimes you just run out of spoons.

Actually, I'm not talking about actions you would personally take to please others in any case. I'm speaking more of the instances where we could take actions that we know would cause the destruction of other people's happiness. The Munich terrorist attack is a good example of this. People went to that Olympics with hope and excitement and a want to compete and have fun. The terrorists did not have to make any effort at all to ensure this happened, all they had to do was NOT choose to be terrorists. They could have just stayed at home and grumbled in private. Instead, they actively chose to destroy other people's hope and happiness. To me, this is immoral.

There has been so much discussion about gay marriage. People debating it. People screaming about it. People eating chicken in protest of it. Sometimes I get so angry about the issue that I could just pull out my hair, especially when those who oppose gay marriage claim to be so moral.

The thing is, they are only moral by their standards. To my mind, what they are doing is imposing their ideas about life on other people and forcing everyone to conform to their values. By doing this, they are making many, many people unhappy. They want people who have found love and comfort to have to never celebrate that in the most basic and obvious way two people can do so.

In other words, people who oppose gay marriage actually oppose everyone being happy. They believe happiness is something that should be reserved for only those like them. They go beyond just believing this and try to legislate it. They actively try to make other people never be happy. As far as I am concerned, that is completely immoral.

So in your day to day life, maybe this is something you can think about. As I said, I don't think it's as important that you go out of your way to make other people happy as it is to make sure you're not going out of your way to make people UNhappy.  If you can keep quiet and hurt no one or say something and cause someone pain, just don't speak. If you can sit in your chair and hurt no one or stand up and cause someone pain, just keep sitting. Sometimes, inaction is the most moral thing you can do.

Annoyances and Fangirl Happies

I had one of those mornings where nothing went well. Just about everything fell as I was showing . . . okay, I didn't fall myself, but everything else did. Between all the picking stuff up and cursing, my shower took twice as long as it should have. Then on the way to see my best friend, we got behind every slow human in the region. For those of you who no longer live in the boondocks, consider how annoying this is on a 2 lane highway.

Wow, when I was typing boondocks, I typed boobcocks. What in hell is wrong with me?

Anyway, after all the mishaps, I ended up at my friend's house about half an hour late. Seriously wasn't my morning. The rest of the day was great though. I ate sushi and we watched Battles BC.  I absolutely love ancient battles, mostly because I'm an Alexander the Great fangirl. I romanticize his life so much. I could write pages of fanfics about him and . . . well, a lot of people.

We watched probably five hours of that and I had a completely glorious time.  The guy they got to play Alexander on his episode was quite hot, which made me deeply happy. I'm smiling just thinking about it.

Oh!  They also mentioned something that my brain must have just forced me to forget so I wouldn't obsess about it constantly. When Alexander died,  there is a rumor that he was taken to Egypt, as he was, among other titles, Pharaoh.  According to legend, he was placed in a crystal sarcophagus.  Squee! That's just so deeply thrilling.

I hope they entombed Hephastian with him.

Fluffy Clouds And Other Survival Tactics

I realize my posts have been lacking of late, but it got hot again and I've been ill. The weather is playing horrorshow on my ability to breath and sleep/think/function. I'm just going to let this ride for a while though because I know the weather will be changing soon enough, at least I hope it will. I'm still working on getting out of this depression slump. It's not been easy but I think I'm starting to see the light of day again.

Until then, I'm just trying to keep my life as fluffy as possible.  This isn't always that easy because it's not like one can completely control what is happening, but I do try. I'm also trying to blow a lot of stuff off. People quite often say stuff that makes me so angry I'll just stew about it for hours.  Right now, I'm just letting such things slide . . . this is never easy during an election year.

One of the big problems with depression is the aspect of hopelessness it brings. You get into this place where you feel like you have nothing to look forward to at all. When you feel this way, it helps to make a list of things that you want to do/see/have/experience that are going to be happening soon. And  I shall now do this for myself.

• The Sims 3: Supernatural is out today. It has new vampires, werewolves, witches, fairies, and zombies!  I want this expansion pack so badly and it will be mine . . . one way or the other.
• Cooler weather WILL be happening within the next several weeks. This means I can pull out my hoodies and live in those for the next several months. It also means we can close up the house and I don't have to play Guess The Bug That Just Crawled Through the Window.
• My best friend throws a killer Halloween party. 
• Colder weather also means the cats will get cuddly again. 
• The fans will go away for a while, which means the house will be quiet.
• All the trees will start getting their Fall colors. I love that.
  

So see, even my depressed self came up with some good reasons to find the happy.  And I know it sounds silly to do this kind of thing, but it really does work for a bit. Of course, you have to be on the somewhat upswing for it to work well . . . but we're getting there.

Cut Hands and Awkwardness

You know, there is nothing quite like the awkwardness of bleeding from your favored hand. It's like no matter how hard you try to stop the bleeding, you constantly keep moving and reopening the wound. No, that's not an analogy for anything . . . at least not in this case. I really did cut my right hand tonight.

In this case, it was a Gluttony Related Injury. I wanted some chocolate powder and the can was new. I cut myself on the 'safety' seal. Stupid sharpish metal thing. The cut is in the valley between my index finger and thumb. It hurts, but at least it has finally stopped bleeding. It probably won't leave a scar. I don't really mind scars, but my right hand already has plenty. Well, okay, it has three, but I think that is enough for a hand.

There is a scar on the top of my ring finger that has been there since I was three-ish. I tried to pick up my father's weightlifting equipment and knocked the top of my finger off. It was just kind of hanging there when I walked to my father and showed it to him. I was rushed to the hospital and given stitches. The top was saved and no harm done other than the scar and a very early memory of panic.

When I was in fourth grade, some little bastard child threw a fire ant at me. I tried to shield my face and by doing so, the ant bit into the lower knuckle of my middle finger. The scar has faded over the years, but is still visible enough to be a nice visual reminder of one of the most physically painful five seconds of my life. This is why I have a healthy fear of ants, even the little black ones.

My most recent scar is from earlier this year when we tried to do something with the cats. Rhiannon ripped up my hand in several places.  I still have scarring on the back of my hand from this, but I think it's going to fade. The scar on my thumb from the same cat protest is just about gone now. I'm glad too because I'd really rather forget that day. It was pretty scary.

Still, you know, as painful as injuries to your dominant hand can be, the worst part is the fact that it incapacitates you and just makes everything so difficult. No typing without pain. No getting your hands wet without pain . . . I don't think people realize how many times we get our hands wet every day. You certainly realize it when you have a hand wound.

Anyway, this latest cut isn't going to cause me too much trouble so I should be fine. I'm hoping by morning the sting will be gone and I can just get on with my life.