A Word to the Walking

It's past ten pm and I'm still hot. I'm on  the edge of the nausea that comes with a hot flash.  I've also been in a mood for several hours now that I just haven't been able to shake. I really don't anticipating it being a great night.  That sucks too because I'm going to the doctor tomorrow and I'd like to show up there in as good a state as possible. Though, honestly, I wonder sometimes what 'good state' even would be for me these days.

You know, I've been walking for over a month now, and if you are someone who is starting to walk from a state of being very overweight, let me give you some warnings. First warning, and I've talked about this one before, walking hurts. It not only hurts while it happens, it hurts later. It can hurt for hours. And as your body adjusts and things shift, you will hurt even more. Sometimes these pains go away, sometimes, that takes a while.

When you read about exercise (and people who are just starting out tend to do that), you read things that just might be true for less heavy people, but probably won't be true for you . . . at least, not for a while. First of all, endurance is a slow thing. You're not going to feel able to get around better within a few days of starting to walk, or even after a month. In fact, it may take several months before you really feel that advantage. The same goes for feeling more energy. In fact, that one is alluding me right now and as I've written, I'm very frustrated about it. The walking and other exercise isn't giving me more energy. It's adding to my constant exhaustion.

I don't know. Maybe the energy is going to take a while as well. Maybe a year from now, I'll be full of energy and pep and just as happy as I can be. But right now, that isn't there. And I will admit, this can be very very discouraging. I wake up in the morning, tired from a night of being in pain and not sleeping well, and realize I have to face a bunch of exercise that I don't want to do. I know it will make me even more tired. I know I won't feel better after it happens. I question why I'm even doing this. I question if all The Stuff they say about the benefits of working out are even true.

Really, it's okay to be discouraged. It's okay to feel like this is going no where. It's okay to doubt. It's okay to be really angry about the process. However, I don't think that any of those should be enough reason to stop.  Discouragement has always been enough to stop in the past . . . and so far, that has gotten me no where. This time, I'm doing to do my best to put a little bit of faith into the concept and push myself along. I'm not very good at faith. I've always been far more comfortable with doubting and then giving up. This time though, I know I'm somewhat running out of options.  Having faith that the strength and energy and other goodies will show up is pretty much all I have left.