The weather has been strange. It reached triple digits today, but cooled down quickly with the rumbling of thunder and the threat of rain. Rain never happened, but somehow, we ended the evening cooler than expected. I'm happy for this. It means I have a higher chance of being able to sleep and sleep is still quite important in terms of my life getting better.
I had a bad day emotionally. The depression was in full force again. Of course, it didn't really hit until after I'd gotten out of therapy, but by the time the sun was going down, I could feel my mood shifting with it. Darker, darker, darker. I tried my best to ignore it, but it wasn't easy. Depression is hellish. I'm doing my best not to read the news.
The scar on my arm is starting to fade in some places. There is a part of the scar line where I can run my finger and only feel smooth skin. It is nice and solid. It is also clearly and completely healed. I don't know if this will happen with the whole scar, but it would be really great if it did. I don't hate the scar, but smoothness is always a better option.
Though the scar smoothing over should give me some pause for thought. It's been several months since I had that surgery and even after all of this time, there are still changes happening. The body can reach a point of healing where you know things are safe. But it looks like it can continue on and heal past that. It's a perspective I should keep in mind when considering the other parts of my body that are healing. It's something I should keep in mind as I work through all this menopause hell.
As I said before, whenever you are recovering from something, they give you these timelines and part of you clings to them. Six weeks and I will be healed. Six weeks and everything will be better. It's never that simple. All bodies are different and heal at their own rate. They heal as they can and as much as they can. Sometimes, it just takes a long, long while.
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