No Explaining

In any article about women that I have recently read, I have noticed a trend of men commenting that 'this or that point' should be explained to them. The articles don't have to even be from a strictly feminist perspective. One of them was about how 3 out of every 4 people in Liberia who is contracting Ebola is female. The article, which was quite neutral in tone, went on to explain that the culture is set up to where women tend to the sick and men do not, therefore more women are exposed to the sickness and more are contracting it. In the comments, some dude wrote "Explain to me why we have to make this about gender." Another man wrote "Explain to me why you felt it was important to address the fact that more women have this than men. Why can't it just be about people?"

The author didn't explain anything, which was the right thing to do. Any time someone demands that you explain something to them, always, ALWAYS keep in mind that their demand does not mean your automatic compliance. You don't owe them an explanation.  If they are truly curious, they can research it themselves. More than likely, they are not sincere in their curiosity. More than likely, they are just trying to be confrontational.

In the same way that a lot of women have been socialized to apologize about everything, a lot of us have also been socialized to offer explanations and justifications for everything in our lives. If you do this, stop. Unless this person is your boss and it is directly work related, your actions are really no one else's business. Your choices and decisions are your own. If they don't like them or feel threatened by them, they is their problem, not yours. You don't have to sooth or comfort them. You certainly don't have to explain yourself.

A while back, a read an article about a woman with a male roommate who kept giving her hell about not wanting to walk down the street alone at night. He kept demanding an explanation about why she would do this and never really processing it when she would tell him. Honestly, the only answer he deserved was 'none of your business' or 'go fuck yourself' because what she did wasn't his concern. And yet, he felt it was. He felt he was entitled to an accounting of her actions, even though he was just her roommate.

You do not owe the world an accounting of your actions. You don't have to justify what you are doing or how you feel or why you made a decision. You certainly do not have to justify your existence. Do your best to nip any behavior of this nature in the bud when you meet new people. Stop giving explanations to those around you if you're already in the pattern. Just stop. It won't be easy at first, but in the long run, it will make your life far easier.

It truly is none of their concern.