I didn't blog last night because the depression was setting in again. It wasn't any better today, though I did my best to try and ignore it. Seriously, I'm glad I'm taking Happy Meds. I can't even imagine how sucktastic my depression would be without them. I feel dead inside. Actually, feeling dead would be better than feeling this.
I forced myself to walk, but it was certainly a forced situation. In fact, I basically forced myself to do everything today. All the while I was forcing myself to do things, I just kept thinking about how futile all of it is. I need goals again but right now I can't remember how to get those. Goals kind of require a level of hope I just don't think I can feel right now. Maybe if I can get myself to relax more. Maybe if I can get myself to calm down.
Depression like this is a lot like trying to walk when you're waist deep in mud. It's slow going. It's exhausting. With every step, you wonder why you're doing it. You have no good answers for that. Most of the time, you feel like you have nothing. I have to really watch myself when I get to this point because I can get trapped in that Nothingness. I really shouldn't do that.
Anyway, I'll just keep trudging forward. Hopefully things will get better.
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