Fighting the Insanity

I think I'm going to start embracing the value of failure. I don't mean I plan to fail at something and then just let it go. Rather, I want to try things and when they fail (which, in many cases, they most likely will), I want to actually, sanely, reflect on what I learned, what didn't work, what did, and how I can change my attempt the next time to get closer to my goal.

I was reading an article by a fitness trainer. He wrote that people usually don't reach their health goals for two reasons. They either emotionally or mentally won't change their mindset about what is happening and they cling to patterns that aren't working for them. Weight loss is one of my goals (that I've not achieved), but I think this applies to other aspects of my life as well.

I'm not consistent.

My financial situation isn't improving.

My creative goals aren't being met.

My living situation isn't what I want.

My health is not where I want it to be.

The problem is, basically all of these goals tie together. I kind of flail from one to the next, thinking I need to fix that one first. Nothing ever gets solved. I really need to make some serious efforts in figuring out why I'm not achieving my goals and how I can change that. I do know that some patterns are toxic to me and I need to stop letting them happen.

The first pattern is taking advice from other people. For one thing, almost ALWAYS the advice isn't asked for, it's just given. Often, the advice sounded reasonable enough, and as not to insult them, I usually took it. Sometimes, this was just to keep the peace. People who are unsolicited advice givers tend to get really offended when you don't follow along (and then offended at the idea that you realize they are offended) and if this is someone you have to spend any amount of time with, sometimes it was just easier to try it their way. This isn't a good idea though. Even if the people mean well, it's not their body, their mind, their situation, or their life.

I think the best thing I can do here is just tell the people in my life that it isn't that I'm not grateful to you for your ideas, it's just that your ideas don't work for me. They may be great for you, and if they are, by all means, follow them yourself. They didn't work for me. Please don't make other suggestions. I'm a grown woman and I want to figure my shit out myself.  That frees the advice-givers up to figure out their own shit and fix their own lives.

I think the second pattern I need to end is my problem with fixating on absolutes. I even did it in this post. I said I wasn't consistent, but that isn't exactly true. There are some areas where I can be very consistent. I need to examine what makes those areas work where others do not.  Finding a path to better consistency would help a lot.

This is going to be a large, ongoing project for me.