Crone Power

I've been fat most of my life and while for many women that doesn't exclude them from the usual paths of womanhood, it contributed to me NOT walking those paths. I think the fact that I have the personality of a 13 yr old cat added to it as well, by I digress.

Anyway, because I was never really one to do the typical woman stuff, I have always had a lot of trouble relating to them. I could relate to the other weirdo girls, but usually not to the ones who weren't weird. I couldn't talk to them about children or boyfriends or clothes, not without getting this kind of pitying glance from them because they knew I did not have those things (and assumed I never would because I was fat and had that old cat personality). They were right too. None of those things ever happened for me.

When it comes to womanhood, I've always been somewhat at odds with it. I felt like others saw me as an imposter. Maybe, sometimes, I even felt like one. It wasn't that I felt like I wanted to be a man. I never wanted that at all. I just didn't relate to most of the women around me. I knew it. They knew it. This knowledge usually caused a great deal of awkwardness.

At least, that is, until I had my hysterectomy. For the FIRST TIME, I entered a stage of womanhood where all the typical things were happening to me! In sudden menopause, I finally found that general way to relate to the women around me. I can talk to them about our shared experiences with hot flashes and anger issues and all the other changes that take place.

There is a great deal of irony, I think, in the fact that losing the majority of the organs that made me female has allowed me to really be comfortable around most women and not just the other weird ones. I feel comfortable around women in a way I never have before. I'm not at the table with none of the usual things happening to me. In menopause, I have found that place where I am in the midst of the conversation with everyone else. No one is casting me pitying looks because we're all in the same level of hell! It's awesome.