Supportive People

Normally,  this isn't a site I go to, but one of my cousins posted this article and I think it's very important.  If there is anything we should teach people about how to be/look for life partners, it is that the person should be supportive of you. Life is messy. People need help. People get sick and injured. People have mental issues or moments/days/weeks/years when they will be broken. We all have these times and when we do, the people who help us through them are the people who truly love us.

Mind you, I believe this goes both ways. Be there for the people you love, but make sure they are there for you too. It may not always be on equal footing, but do what you can.

In fact, sometimes what you can do to support them is just to listen. I remember when I was in high school and our school therapist would always be so quick to try and give solutions. I remember one  time telling her 'I just need to talk for a while.'  Sometimes people just need a sounding board. When you start to give them advice and solutions, you're not really helping. You're silencing them, cutting them off from letting go of all the frustrations they have. Know when to be a listener. Know when NOT to give an opinion.

I know that not giving an opinion flies in the face of modern thinking, but trust me; sometimes your opinion isn't helping the other person. I have a friend who is going through a massive career crisis. I made a commitment to listen to the situation and let her vent. I'm not going to offer advice unless she asks. She's capable of doing this herself and I'll remind of her of that. The last thing she needs is one more person saying 'well what you should do is.....'

I know people who have different religious beliefs than me. When they have struggles that connect back to their faith, I don't giving them my opinion about how I see things differently. I listen to them and assure them they can make the best decision for themselves. I don't see this as me giving up my free speech. I see this as me valuing my relationships more than I do my need to pontificate.

Most of all, I think one of the best ways we can be good in relationships is to try to help (if we have the ability to help) when people ask for it.  Sometimes we can't. Sometimes we're at the end of our own rope and have no more to give. Other times, helping isn't all that difficult. Sometimes it's just a matter of opting for the bland meal when someone's stomach is upset (my roommate and I always do this for each other) or holding someone's hand when they're scared.

Find the people who will love you no matter what. Find the people who choose to live with the REAL you. That will go a long way toward living a happy life.