Leap Day

Today was Leap Day! I didn't do much of anything, but I always enjoy the idea of it. People are supposed to take writers out on Leap Day. My roommate and I had lunch at KFC, so I guess we took each other out.

I'm one day into Busy Week and things went well. Checked on some appointment details and went to therapy. When I came home, I messed with sims some and napped.

Happy Leap Day, everyone.

Windenburg Weekend

For the most part, the weekend was good. I spent the majority of it talking to my roommate and dropping houses on sims. Windenburg now has a more logical feel to it. I've even started adding some character to the townies. I think I may turn one of them into a mad scientist.  Every town needs one of those.

This week is going to be superbusy. I'll try not to let that overwhelm me and just push through it. Sometimes I let the dread of such things overwhelm me. It doesn't help that the weather sucks right now. It was supposed to be sunny and warm all weekend. Instead we got this dreary cold thing happening. Ugh.

I think when Sims gives us weather again, I'm going to make it rain in Windenburg all the time.

Cheat Codes of the Gods

Ruins at on the edges of von Windenburg

The new expansion pack came with some ruins. I was pretty excited about this, until I saw they were all small and low to the ground. Even the broken columns weren't that big. I needed more. This is the Sims though, so I knew there had to be cheat codes. I was so right about that. Mind you, the codes have been around for a long time, but I really didn't need them until now.

The circled part is a sim.
That's how big I made things. 

So in Windenburg, the current owners of the Von Windenburg estate are the Villareals.  Daddy Villareal's wife died under mysterious circumstances. I'm assuming she was the von Windenburg in the family. Like all the houses in the rich island, I've been fixing up their place. Given the size of the island, my assumption is that one time, every household on it served some purpose for the Von Windenburg family. It means that their estate would not only be the largest (which it is), but also the oldest. I killed the house they had on there and placed an older castle on the plot. Then I started adding the ruin details. This where the cheat codes came in.

One code allows me to move things where I want them. I don't have to stick with the usual rules. This means I can mesh things together, like adding that statue and tree into the column. It also means I can make things far larger and stack them on top of each other. This means the ruins can be far more substantial.

Oh course, the ruins are far older than  the castle would be. My idea is that the family would have built their home on an older Roman establishment. They would have felt this was the greatest point of power in  the region. Their servants would have settled on the rest of the island and then slowly the town would have expanded onto the mainland.

I wish the camera angles allowed me to show you the whole estate. I can get pictures, but I have to pull back so far that all the details get lost. I am so very proud of my ruins though. They make me so geekfully happy.

Random Loot Drops

It is by no means warm tonight, but considering that this time last year we had about five inches of snow, I'd say a day where I can sit around in short sleeves is a good one. Though, honestly, we could have used with a hard freeze this winter. It doesn't look like we're going to get one.

I went shopping today and saw my brother. He found an unopened pack of chewing tobacco on the ground and delightfully informed me it would be part of my sister-in-law's birthday gift. She doesn't chew, but she will think it's funny.

It seems my brother has a knack for finding stuff on the ground. One time, in fact, on his birthday a few years ago, he found a machete near the police station. It was one of those almost cosmic video game moments because let's face it, usually video games are the only place where you find random weapons on the street. Or chewing tobacco, for that matter.

Being a Good God

So I still haven't solved the Windenburg mystery, but I have fixed some other things about the town. Some of the prebuilt houses didn't fit with the style of the area. I realized I could bulldoze the lots and put other Maxis made houses on them without forcing the family to move.

This would be so bizarre in real life. Imagine one minute you have a poorly arranged modern house and the next minute you have a Tudor style mansion. No work on your part. Just . . . BOOM! New fancy house.

This makes me really happy. It's like being a god. Only instead of punishing people for their sins, I encourage them to gain skills and occasionally just give them a new and far better house. All gods should be like that. Okay, granted, I also occasionally kill them in pools, but only when I find them boring. Don't be boring doesn't seem like too big of a godly demand.

Windenburg

I flat out forgot to post last night because I was trying to research something about my new Sims town. There are a couple of spots on the map that LOOK like they should be lots, but aren't. When I have my Sim walk to them, they're nowhere to be found. I don't know if this is a mistake on the map or if it's some kind of hidden area.

By the way, Windenburg is the most beautiful town Sims has ever created. The detail they put into the structure of the city is amazing. There is a river that flows through it. It has beautiful bridges and beautiful places to just sit and hang out. Sometimes I just have my sims wander around so I can see all the beautiful detail.

Oh! I also found a locked gate in one of the bridges. Sims keep going in and out of it. I have no idea if that's a real thing I can access or not, but I hope it is. I love this town.

Fear of the All That

I watched a movie about people who planned to kill themselves, but didn't. Toward the end, when prompted to why he would want to end his life, one of the characters said, in a very despairing voice, that he was just so tired of being scared all the time. And that, oh my brothers and sisters, is kind of the crux of just about everyone's situation.

People self-medicate. People avoid doctors. People avoid people. People avoid the outside. Wars are started. Groups of people are killed off. Religions thrive.

Why? Because we're all terrified.

People stay in bad relationships because they're scared to be on their own. People stay in bad situations because they're scared of the alternatives. People don't change things or constantly change things out of fear of what could happen if they don't. Or do.

If you read the blog, you know I have my fears. I have so many of them. Last year, I tried really hard to be brave, and most of the time, it worked out fairly well. Better than I expected, actually.

And yet, even now, I'm letting fear get the better of me. When I fell week before last, I broke my glasses. My replacement pair came in today and I couldn't bring myself to open them. I was just completely hesitant about them because I'm still a bit freaked out from the fall.

Every time I drive somewhere, I'm scared because the van might break down. Every time I take a shower, I'm scared because the plumbing might screw up. So many things could go wrong and I know when they do, there will be drama and annoyance and always that little possibility that THIS TIME, it can't be fixed.

I'm not suicidal at the moment, but I understand what the guy in the movie was saying. Being scared is very tiring. It's exhausting. And I'm sure most people would just say 'get over it' or 'do something to change it' . . . but when  you're exhausted, those smicky bits of blanket advice just don't cut it.

Cat Pillow

My Dirty Santa gift was a vibrating pillow. A facemask came with it and honestly, that was the part I wanted the most. I knew the vibrating pillow wouldn't last long. And it hasn't It's kind of small and I really don't have any use for it.

My littlest cat, however, loves this pillow. She sits on it every night and sleeps. I'm not sure it's her official bed, but it's certainly one of her lounging/napping spots. I like the fact that even though the pillow serves no real purpose for me, she finds joy in it. I'm pretty sure she thinks I got it just for her, and cats always love it when we think of them.

Other than that, my weekend is going fairly well. I don't feel completely awful and the weather isn't freezing me. I know it should be cold right now, but it isn't. I think the fires in the area have been handled as well.

Astounding Survivors

People on Survivor are automatically stronger than me, but this last week's episode was pretty remarkable for two of them. In fact, I was really impressed. Now mind you, I still disliked most of the people on there. These two stood out though.

In both cases, they seemed to be the people who would flake out of the game in the first episode. One woman had a very serious panic attack and let herself get overheated. The other woman was freaking out because she thought a bug crawled into her ear.

Now, normally, these would be the people who would go home first. In this game, anyone who appears weak is seen as an easy vote. In fact, as I was watching it, I assumed these two would be the first exits. In both cases, it was possible they might even be medivacked out.

I think almost everyone assumed the woman who was saying she had a bug in her ear really didn't have a bug in her ear. We have a tendency to not believe people who claim to be in pain, which sucks because often they are. In this woman's case, it was certainly true. She laid down and everyone was clustered around her. The camera actually focused on the nasty bug as it crawled out of her ear!! It was SO gross. One of the people grabbed it and killed it for her.

I think a freaky bug in the ear would have been enough to send most people packing. However, this contestant decided to stay. Once the bug was out of her ear, she knew she was going to be okay. She even went on to compete in the next challenge.

Speaking of that challenge, the contestant who had the panic attack dominated this challenge. This contest involved diving for four paddles. Most people will dive for one, maybe two. This woman dove for all four. I have never seen anyone do that on Survivor. After they got the boats to shore, they had to pull the boats to a certain spot and then do a puzzle. She participated in both of these, even taking a very active role in solving the puzzle. Most people would have been good with just the diving part, but she did all of it.

It was really neat to see people get off to a rough start on the show, but not let that destroy them. In both cases, they worked through the personal challenges they had and pushes forward. It was inspiring. I may actually enjoy this season.

America Sings for You

The Hamilton FB page posted a better version of the Grammy performance than the one I had seen. I mean, okay, I watched it on TV too,  but I wanted to see it again and again, you know. Anyway, while I was grabbing the link to see it again, I started reading some of the comments.

A lot of people were new to Hamilton. Their first exposure to the show was the Grammy performance and they were so blown away by it that they bought the album, had been listening to it for the last several days, and suddenly understood what this was all about. One woman said she'd even bought tickets a while back for her daughter, but had her go with a friend because she saw no reason to see some 'silly rap musical.' Since she's been exposed to the album, she's come to deeply regret missing her chance to see it.

I'm not sure I've ever seen any work of art that has hit people this way. It's like a tidal wave of different forces slamming into people all at once. Suddenly people who never took hip hop seriously understand there is a depth and power to it. People who dismissed musical theater understand how significantly it can move them. People who never gave a rat's ass about American history, especially not about some random Founding Father, find themselves passionately learning everything they can about this chapter in the story of our country.

As I've written before, I never thought much about Alexander Hamilton. I certainly didn't care about Aaron Burr. Now I see their dynamic playing out in so many relationships. Alexander Hamilton's story says so much about growing up poor, growing up smart, growing up with drive and facing those moments when people from the upper classes try to push you back down. Burr's decades of seething, bitter jealousy are sadly a common experience for a lot of people.

So here we are, over 200 years later, and people are identifying with, empathizing with, and being inspired by a brilliant, bastard immigrant who wrote and fought so that we could become a country. And on a Grammy's show where a lot of kids were watching to see the usual Top 40 acts, they saw a performance that struck a chord deep inside many of them. Kids of today, connecting with a guy who was 19 when we declared independence. Wow.

No Chains

I was sitting against the wall, sleeping that way because my bedding was pretty jacked up. It was around 4:30 AM. My roommate went to the bathroom and then told me that the toilet handle was broken. I was kind of only marginally aware of him saying this. He asked if I knew how to flush it without the handle. I said I did, but I forgot that our toilet lacks any kind of logical or reasonable chain to pull. When I went in there later to try and flush, I had no idea what to do.

I just don't understand why we, as poor people, have a toilet that doesn't have the BASIC and most rational flushing system. How does that make any sense?

My roommate, who is more handy than he ever gives himself credit for, was able to fix it. He had to kind of snag it together because, well, like I said, the innards of the toilet make no logical sense. Right now, it's flushing, but we're kind of being delicate with the handle. More than likely, it will break again because it clearly needs some kind of special parts that aren't easily found.................because of course it does. Sigh.

Hopefully it won't break in the middle of the night agian.

Deeper Bruising

Some of the first bruises I received from the fall have faded. As I mentioned last night, other bruises are beginning to surface. The deeper the injury, the longer it takes for the bruise. It's possible I could still have some more show up in certain areas.

If you ever have to explain PTSD or emotional trauma or emotional triggers to someone, I think bruises are an apt analogy. Sometimes things happen to us and it hurts. We get mad or we cry or whatever you happened to do, but, because it was fairly much on the surface of our reality, the pain goes away quickly.

Other things hurt us on a deeper level. The rock the very foundation of who we are. Like bruises that surface from deep injury, this kind of trauma may take a while to appear. Once it's there, it's possible it may not go away. It just depends on the kind of resources we have for healing.

If someone is injured physically, you would never think to complain because some of their bruises didn't show up for a week. You'd never say, "That happened seven days ago! Why are you just bruising now?" So if we can accept that sometimes the manifestation of a physical injury takes a while to appear, why can't we accept that sometimes the same is true for mental or emotional trauma?

And yet, how often do you hear, or even think or say, "That person died two years ago, why are you crying now?" "That abusive relationship was ten years ago, why can't you trust people now?"

Why would we possibly assume that the things that hurt us emotionally are superficial? Especially when we've experienced these things that know how it can be for us?

I will admit, I'm just as guilty of this as anyone. As you know from reading the blog, I'm not really good with other people's emotions. I really don't have much patience for them (with a few exceptions) and tend to not want to be involved. That's something I'm trying to work on, though, it's always kind of a tightrope because many people have no idea that ranting is best left to therapists. Even still, I need to recognize that sometimes people's trauma is very deep. I need to accept their bruises and understand it, because I certainly have plenty of my own.

Bruising

It's supposed to be warm all week, even reaching into the high 70s on some days. I'm not sure that winter is going to be a thing that happens this year. We still have the rest of the month and March, so we shall see.

I'm still recovering. Some bruises are fading while others are starting to show more. My face looks halfway normal. I have to be out in public tomorrow, so I guess I'll try to hide the cut with a band-aid or something. I'm still not sure yet.

My leg is bruising and scabbing pretty well. So far, no infections from anything. Now if I can just keep from falling again! I'm not sure how much I'll be on for the next few days because I'm going to be pretty busy. I'll try my best to post every day, but the healing is still keeping me fairly exhausted.

I hope everyone had a good day.

VD

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I won't get anything. The next day is Cheap Candy at the Store Day and I may get things. I'm not really that upset about the NOT getting things. Getting candy on one day out of the year probably wouldn't outweigh the drama of being in a relationship. Given that I have the personality of a wet 15 year old cat, I am probably best left to my own devices.

It's like with the Superbowl thing, though, I'm not going to be angry that other people are having a special day when I'm not. I'm not being harmed in any way, so why deny someone else their joy?

Though, I do wonder if that's one of the reasons why I always feel so disconnected about the first of the year. All of the celebrations and parties really have nothing to do with me. I'm not saying they should have to. They are what they are. Still, maybe it's the reason I never feel much about this time of year outside of  dread.

Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys tomorrow.

Tired

I'd forgotten how exhausting major healing can be. I'm dragging around, so tired and so drained. I know it's because my body is focused on trying to fix the damage. There is a kind of deep, profound exhaustion that happens when you're healing. It truly is like nothing else.

I think it may even be a little harder right now because my eyes took some of the damage. My eyes want to close and stay that way because the lids feel so heavy. It's a very strange sensation.

I did manage to exit and return to the house without causing harm to myself or anything else. It was a little frightening, but I muddled through it. Now I need some sleep.

Documenting the Damages

I spent the day kind of milling around as little as possible. My leg still looks horrible. My nose looks somewhat better. Bruises are starting to show more now. My eyebrows hurt, and that's a very strange sensation. I still have moments of being woozy, but those are few and far between.

One of the reasons why blogging is so vital to my life is because it's my basic way to document what's going on. I tend to note when I'm sick or when injuries happen. If I really needed to make a record of how many times I'm ill in a given span of months, the blog would be a great tool in how I did this.

When I had the surgery on my arm a couple of years ago, I used my iTouch to document the healing process. The injuries I have right now look scary enough that I thought it would be a good idea to document them as well. Until my leg and face are healed, I'll be taking daily pics of them. If something goes wrong, I have a record to show to the doctor.

I think it's very important that we keep in mind that items we tend to view as merely for entertainment are also tools. The television is a tool for news, weather, and education. Communication devices like computers and phones are tools, for communication, clearly. Anything that takes pictures is a tool. There are many different ways for us to use them.  Documenting your damages can help you keep track of what's happening to you.

Preparedness in Defense of Being Around Myself

The van was making weird noises last night so we decided to drive it around some this morning and get some errands accomplished. Before we left, we took the trash out. It was earlier than we would normally do this, but I knew neither of us felt all that great, so it was best to handle when we had the energy instead of later when we possibly might not.

To this end, we also shopped for food that would be easy to cook. That way if all the energy was gone by the time dinner rolled around, it wouldn't be so hard to get something together to eat.

So, I was prepared about possibly feeling tired and drove the van around as a precaution to make sure nothing was wrong with it. I had to be out of the house early tomorrow morning and if something was going to go wrong, I wanted it to happen while I had daylight. I also set the ice scraper and gloves in the passenger's seat so I wouldn't have to dig for them in the morning. So, so prepared . . .

What I didn't count on was getting my shoe caught on the edge of the stoop and smashing my face into the wall. I also didn't count on  falling to the ground and scraping open my leg on the driveway. All that happened, of course, and I'm sitting here typing with no glasses on (the ones I was wearing are now broken) with cuts on my swelling face and cuts on an aching leg.

However, I am grateful that I didn't break anything (well, jury's still out on my nose), that I was able to get up off the ground, and that all that other stuff I did before I left is already done. I certainly don't feel like doing it now.

The rest of my plans for the week are shot though. I feel bad about that because it puts others in a bind. Nothing we can do about the falls in life though.

Haunted by your Sims

I mentioned a few days ago that I killed a couple of sims. They burned to death in fires. Sometimes, because I am cruel, I'll kill a Sim off if I don't like them. Normally I hate doing that though because I'm somewhat of a gentle soul. Kind of. Anyway, it's rare that I have two dead sims hanging around unless they got old. Then, normally, they'll haunt the family I'm still playing.

These two sims were the only ones on their lots when they died. Both times, I had to switch to another family. This usually won't be a problem for me, as I rarely let my sims out of the house anyway, but with the expansion pack I have now, there is lots of social activity happening in public spaces.

I see my two dead sims ALL THE TIME.

They show up at parties. They show up at bars. They show up at the gym and try to work out as they continue to give off smoke as a lasting reminder of their method of death. After losing two games in a row, I opted to play a house with five people in it. Several of them are friends with the dead sims. In fact, I'm thinking about making one of the guys in the house hit on the dead alien girl sim because he actually has a pretty strong relationship with her.

Also, I really need to do something with him. The poor little jock is having such a crisis. I can't get him out of sad mode. I did not realize he had a crush on one of the other girls in the house. She's dating the other guy in  the house. I mean, of course, she would. He's a chef.

Anyway, she and chef boy decided to screw around in a closet at one of the local bars. Jock boy saw them and got insanely depressed. He keeps painting pictures of a butterfly trapped in a spider's web. When he's not at work or painting, he's drinking. Sometimes he'll just go sit in the closet and cry. Not the closet the couple woohooed in. Another closet.

I tried to help him with his emotional issues. I let him start a club where everyone wears bear suits and picks fights with people they see in the park. This worked for a while, but then he pissed off some purple alien guy and got beaten up pretty badly by him. I'm worried he's going to get abducted and impregnated. Yes, that's a thing that can happen to male sims.

So yeah, maybe Dead Alien Girl can be his new girlfriend. Anything to stop him from obsessively painting that butterfly picture.

Sickness, Joy, and Parody

Winter continues to be rough on the health of my household. The cats look unwell. I'm not well. My roommate is certainly not well. By the end of the weekend, all of us were basically dragging around. Hopefully this week will find us in recovery. I'm really sick of chafed skin and canker sores.

I don't have therapy tomorrow so maybe I can just spend the day recovering. I managed not to kill any sims today. That's pretty amazing considering I played all day. I thought it was best to avoid all the sportsball talk on Facebook. I really have nothing against the SuperBowl. It brings people joy and causes me no harm. I didn't really want to see post after post about it either.

Venture Brothers was amazing tonight. They not only fully committed to a Trainspotting parody moment, but they used Duran Duran as a plot point and a system of torture. Glorious. I love this show.

Anyway, other than being sick, my weekend caused me no harm. For this, I am grateful.

Organization Success and Fire Failure

The floor got vacuumed today and I would like to note that the new organization of my side of things made the whole process far easier. Having all the stuff off the floor is SO nice. It's still kind of junky to look at, but at least it's not junky and on the floor.

I somehow managed to set TWO sims on fire today. The first one was really sad. I wouldn't let him have a house until he made a certain amount of money from stealing. He had to miserably live on a lot with just a campfire for food and a bush to pee and sleep in. Once he did steal enough stuff to satisfy my challenge, I moved him into a house and even though he had a decent level of cooking skill, he STILL managed to set himself on fire. Heartbreaking.

The second person was trying to DJ and set her DJ booth on fire. I had no idea that could even happen. Now that I do, I'll try to set up fire prevention stuff around them. Hopefully no other pixel people will die on my watch.

Bushes and STDs

I've been playing Sims a lot. It's the 16th anniversary of the franchise and they gave out a lot of free content. Kleptomaniac is has returned as a trait. It's always been a favorite of mine. They also brought back the Grilled Cheese aspiration. It's crazy little touches like this that make the game so great for me.

OH!!! They also now have a bush that your sim can use as a bathroom or a place to sleep/woohoo. That's just twisted as it can be, isn't it? I wonder how many baby sims will be conceived in some bush that people have been peeing on? Actually, given that this is my game, I'm willing to bet the answer is 'all of them.' Yes, I am a horrible person.

Speaking of horrible people, the Republican congress of Oklahoma is trying to circumvent gay marriage by making it illegal for anyone who has an STD to marry. Yes, our state leaders are stupid enough to think that everyone who is gay will also have an STD. I bet they'll be in shock at how many they personally know who suddenly find themselves unable to marry. I guess anyone who was born with an STD they contracted from their mother while in the womb is just out of luck, huh?

You'd think that as screwed up as the budget is, state congress would spend every moment they could trying to find ways to fix that. Nope! Instead, they're just busy seeing how they can ruin people's lives.

Bad Reactions

Recently the Fine Brothers tried to trademark the 'React to' videos and force other Youtubers (or anyone else) to either take down their reaction videos or pay the Fine Brothers a percentage of their earnings for doing them. The internet screamed at them about this and they lost a lot of subscribers. Given the heavy reaction, they decided they wouldn't try to trademark the react thing.

This is one of the ways in which Youtube is complicated when it comes to intellectual property. The Fine Brothers do the majority of the more popular 'react to' videos and put a lot of work into them. I can see how the explosion of reaction videos could be really annoying to them, especially as it spreads off of Youtube and onto TV programs.

The thing is, reaction videos aren't something they created. It's just something that popularized. Trying to say you 'originated' reaction videos would be as difficult as saying you originated 'top ten' videos or parody songs. It may be part of your schtick, but you are not the genesis.

Personally, I do wish that a lot of people would move on from reaction videos. Some are awesome, yes. Others . . . well, I think for some Youtube stars, reaction videos have just become a lazy way to get a video out. I think we'd do well to see some more variety happening, and yes I realize I said that and I don't do any videos at all.

I think a lot of the blowback may be the poor timing of it. Youtube is starting it's Red streaming service and a lot of people are anxious that regular Youtube is going to become the dregs of nothing. I understand that Red is the only way that a lot of people on Youtube may be able to make some money and I don't fault them for that. It still feels corporate and hinky though. Most people aren't comfortable with it.

I honestly don't know how this will end up affecting things for the Fine Brothers. They retracted their plans quickly, but it may not be enough to keep their audience. Only time will tell.

Don't Burn Yourself

My therapist and I had a long discussion about attachment disorder yesterday. Not just in terms of my own, but in general terms for people who come from broken families. The majority of us tend to overly attach to things when we become adults. I have trouble parting with inanimate objects. I'm not a hoarder. I can actually let GO of them, but I always have to say goodbye. I feel sad for several days.

A lot of adults from broken homes have manifested their attachment disorder on their own children. It makes sense. For the first time ever, the idea of family is something THEY can control. They have this new little person who is theirs. Of course their attachments are going to be extreme. People blame parents for a lot of things these days, but in some cases, I think it's best that we remember a lot of parents are still little kids inside, little kids who are just trying to form some bonds.

Parenting is weird anyway. We basically expect people who rarely have it together to raise a batch of new little people. Most of them do this cluelessly or, at best, assuming that everything they do is wrong. My therapist said she gets really nervous when her kids ask for hotdogs because she knows that kids can choke on hotdogs. Then she laughed and said that when she was her oldest daughter's age (five) they let her hold a wire into an open fire with a hotdog attached to it and then advised her not to burn herself as she ate it off the wire. She survived. Surely her kids will.

I wonder if our parents ever wonderd if they weren't doing enough.

YAY!

Well hey! I made it through my second January in a row without any kind of horrifying thing happening to me! This is just awesome. I had some touch and go moments, but nothing like cancer or almost bleeding to death or 1099C. Anyway, thank you, powers that be, for granting me a peaceful month.

What do I want out of this month? Some minutes, honestly. There are some things I've been neglecting. I'm promised myself I will spend at least a minute on them every other day. Surely I can freaking do a MINUTE of progress.

Maybe.