The Dig

I need to be creative right now. I have serious things planned. I have things I want to do and things I believe are important for me to do. The problem is, I can't. My creative connection is dead right now. The Dig has happened again. And there is nothing I can do about it.

What is The Dig? The Dig is this thing that happens when a million little things begin to happen at once. Hurts, losses, people's demands, people's want to point out problems, to point out my failings, to draw me into their dramas, and leach out what energy I have left. This digs into my brain, like parts being fully scooped out. I put a cat down and that is a large part of The Dig right now. Even though it needed to happen, more often than not, I catch myself thinking, "my god, what did you do?" and the whole cycle of Mother Monster starts again.

So for now, the creative parts shut down. Too much angry politics. Too many demands. Too much hurt. Too much loss. For a while, I'll just be . . . well, I'll must be. There is very little shuffling forward about it. I'll just be.