Bound

It wasn't until just a little while ago that I realized I never posted my continuation of the September Box. The thing is, I don't think I'm going to. To be honest, I wasn't that impressed with the other selections. Or hell, maybe I was or I would have been if I wasn't so depressed. It's frustrating when the depression hits me like this when I'm taking my meds, making good decisions, and lacking in serious drama.

Of course, none of that really matters when it comes to my depression. Even the meds don't help me that much. They're more for the anxiety side of my issue. And the rest of it, well, it really doesn't matter what you're doing. This is chemical. Though, I think it's also about exhaustion.

On the day to day, I'm happy. I laugh. I engage people. I am content and experience moments of peace and being proud of myself. This isn't that kind of issue. This is a deeper kind of depression. The kind that keeps part of your spirit bound down. It's the kind that removes the sparkle from the moments that should sparkle. It's the kind that keeps you from recharging.

September was hard. It was hot and I was in pain. My roommate was in pain. The cat was uncomfortable. Some unexpected changes cropped up to cause us worry. In a normal year, I'd probably be okay. But this isn't a normal year. I've lost my babycats and that has changed everything.

Hopefully, October will be better.