Numbers

I resituated some stuff today. I tried a couple of experiments that may or may not work. I even threw some more stuff away, but it still feels like I'm just shuffling junk from one place to another.

It's hard to be positive right now. Covid-19 is bringing out a lot of ugliness in people. A lot of offhand comments about who will die and why it's okay if we lose them have been getting to me. I'm trying NOT to let it get to me, but after a while, it does.

When you're poor and disabled, you get the sense that people don't give a rat's ass, but most of the time, people stay quiet about it. People assume you are nothing more than a drain on society. I know this isn't true. I won't be sentimental and say 'all life has value' because we know a lot of people don't buy that. I will say that all lives have currency and we all play a role in keeping the Great Machine going. I know I live a life of value, even if others don't see it.

But let's face it, when it comes down to it, my opinions here won't matter much. If I get sick, I'll probably be set aside with the 'let's just make them comfortable' crowd. My roommate doesn't think this is true, but I'm trying to prepare myself for all possible outcomes here. All of my life, people have looked at me like I didn't matter. I can't really see 'global pandemic' being a place where they change their minds.

I did a lot of stuff today and met all of my goals. As you know, when I do stuff like that, I tend to have some negative emotional feedback. It's almost like my body doesn't know what to do with the 'succeeded!' chemicals and tries to put us back in our place. So it's probably just the brain weasels talking. Maybe.