The Basic Problem with Relationship Status

My roommate stated his opinion to someone today and they attacked him.  Not in real life, of course.  I know that happens, but not nearly as often as it does online.  In fact, one will find far many more people who will attack others online than perhaps would face to face.  Or . . . perhaps not.  Maybe instead I should say there are people who will attack others online who would never say such crass and horrible thing to someone right in front of them. Yes, that.

Anyway, this woman (I assume it is a woman. You never can tell and people always snidely inform me that there are no girls on the internet, which, being female, confuses the hell out of me, but that's another post) gets offended at what he said and starts typing the crazytime things at him. He informs her he will be ignoring him and yet, she continues.  The question was something about children and relationships and he had mentioned he had no children and, of course, his relationship status is listed as single.

She comes back with this very insulting comment and mentions that she is sure by his single status that he is a bitter, lonely person who no one loves and that he will never get married or be in a relationship or be important to anyone.

He, being a mature and rational person, honestly had stopped reading Trolly McTrollison's comments by this point. I, however, had not.  And when I read the last vicious paragraph, I suddenly understood every braless, tube top wearing makeup caked jacked-up haired miniskirt clad hootchie who ever stood up, teetering in her high heels and screamed to the whole Jerry Springer audience, "YOU DON'T KNOW ME!"

I was so angry at this person, just seething at how she could insult him like this.  I wanted to do things that would give the Springer show higher ratings and cause me to be dragged off kicking by the bouncers.

As I mentioned in my last post though, I'm more or less in a mentally good state right now, so I kept from doing any of this, even kept me from typing the angry crazy things back at the woman.  I'm glad of this, because one really shouldn't feed the trolls.  It's one of the basic rules of the zoo.

After I calmed down, I started thinking about my reaction and how, underneath all the trailer-park instincts, there lurked a certain deep frustration at the whole thing. It was more than just me wanting to defend my friend, something more basic.  It wasn't just her attack, it was her choice of attack. Her words. Her ideas.

I finally understand now, and it has to do with the problem of relationship status options.

You see, even though you may not be married or in a romantic relationship, that doesn't mean you are alone. It doesn't mean you are lonely.  There are many, many people who select to live their lives with others, sharing the joys and trials of daily continued existence, with people who they will never see as a lover.  There are siblings to stay together. Friends who stay together.  And many other instances where people have meaningful, important and life-long relationships that are not marriage-y.

There are also many people who, while never married or whatnot, feel loved every moment of their lives. They know they are loved and adored. They know they are valued and needed. They are loved.

The sad thing is, as a society, clearly, we don't seem to even want to recognize this.  We don't want to accept that people can find life partners who they connect with in all levels . . . but not sexually.  We don't want to accept that someone can look at another human and say "this is the one I love" and there not be a shred of romance connected to that statement.  It scares society, far more even than the idea of gay marriage.  After all, "them gays" may be going about it in a strange way, but at least they're embracing the tradition.

What I wanted to scream at this woman who attacked my roommate, as I was flinging my tacky pumps at her as was carried out by the bouncers, is that my roomie is loved. He is not alone. He is not on his own in the world and someone cares about him.  When he gets ill, there is someone to drive him to the doctor.  When he needs to tell a story, there is someone who listens because they love the way he narrates. And when he is making plans for the day, there is someone there making them with him.  Is it conventional? Oh hell, of course not!  But it works and it is what we have been blessed with, and it is wonderful.

Whenever you see someone's relationship status set to single, never make assumptions as to what that means in their lives.  Of course, they could be the sad pathetic mass wallowing in their own self pity.  More than likely, however, they have found a way to make the world work for them.

Eventually, the status options might catch up to reflect that.