Blahdeblah

I started working on the second post about my childhood and found that I couldn't finish it tonight. The whole thing was far more emotional than I could handle so I'm tabling it until it can be touched on again. I'm sure that won't be long. I got some business-y stuff handled today and have a cold cat sitting under a blanket by my feet. Oh, and now she's licking my toes. Not fun.

I had some trouble breathing today and have been fighting down anxiety.  I'm not really sure what's going on with that.  I don't think my breathing was any more weight related than usual. This was something else. I think maybe too much dust stirred up or something. Or maybe it's just the backlash from the chapter I worked on for therapy.

The chapter keeps crashing into me.  I don't want it to, but it does. It's lurking at the edges of my thoughts and I keep trying to push it back down. Not because I don't want to face it, but just so I can function. Or, hell, maybe because I don't want to face it. I'm even sure at this point.

I know a lot of this is my brain trying to protect me from things. The level of rationalization I'm doing over the book and its contents is astounding. And to think I was sure there were no doors I'd left shut off and locked. Amazing what one finds, as one ages.

The book suggested doing art therapy about my state of mind as a child.  We have painting supplies and I'm almost considering this. I don't know yet. I want it to be a positive and healing experience. Not something that just turns into more stress. We'll see.

Anyway, I think that's all for tonight. I need to get some sleep. I hope you have good dreams.