Okay, so I'm in my late 30s. There are some things I've been doing for a long damned time now and I should be really good at doing them. But I'm not. I suck at them just as much as I always have, if not more. So, in random order, these are some things I should do well, but don't.
1. Tampons.
I started my period as a very young teen. Granted, I didn't use tampons at first, but I did after a while. Putting in tampons should be a very easy, almost automatic action for me now.
OH BUT IT IS NOT! I screw up putting in the tampons probably about three times as often as I do it right. The thing slips out of the applicator. It bites me. It goes in at some hurtful angle. Or, you know, any number of other stupid things that can happen.
I think what frustrates me about this the most is that it isn't like tamponing is some needless activity for me. It's basically necessary in the given moment and instead of it just happening, I have the added frustration of whatever random chaotic thing is going to happen in the process. Leave to me to be unable to manage the simple act of sticking something in my twat.
2. On a related note . . . well, at least on a related theory, I have trouble with USBs. I have things that have to recharge on my USB drives. You'd think I'd be able to just reach down and set the whole thing up.
BUT NO! I always miss the slot. Or have the damned thing upside down. Or both. And for some illogical reason, even when I turn the damned thing over, it still seems to be upside down. How does that happen? There are only two choices.
3. Painting my nails.
Have I talked about this one before? Or maybe even this whole subject? Oh well, I'm like 200 blog posts in. I can't remember everything. Anyway, I can't paint my nails for shit. I keep them short and all I want is a nice even coat of black polish. What do I get? Black goopy crap all over my cuticles and only somewhat on my fingernails. Right hand always looks a million times worse than my left.
4. Spelling.
My spelling is so horrible. I write all the damned time and read almost as much, but if you looked at an unedited version of my writing, you'd think I was close to illiterate. I don't visualize WORDS in my head. I see pictures and colors and other images. Never the way the word is spelled.
The spelling thing is something I'm really paranoid about. I won't even post a damned status update on Facebook without triple checking it. OH! And if I still miss something, I delete the damned thing as quickly as possible and hope frantically no one sees.
5. Paying Attention to the Details of Accepted Reality
I mostly live in my reality. And I'm not talking about the stories in my head, I'm talking about my little version of reality and how things are named and said.
For instance, my roommate and I tend to call characters on shows whatever we first associate them with and not by their name. There is an actor on a show whom we used to watch on a show where he danced. Or, okay, where he tried to dance. In fact, the name we gave him, due to his dancing style, was Hamster Dance.
So when he joined the cast of this other show, I always denoted the character as Hamster Dance. Oh look, Hamster Dance is running his mouth again. Hamster Dance killed the bad guy. Hamster Dance is talking to the boy genius.
I think I watched that show like three years before I ever noticed the character had a name that wasn't Hamster Dance.
Okay, I will tell you now, this list could have gone on for days! There are so many things that fall into this category. I guess that's okay though. It keeps me humble, kind of, and that means I get to have friends.
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