I never leave the house unless I'm covered. Okay, sometimes when it's really hot I'll wear shorts. Also during the hot, I may venture outside in a tank top and shorts. Most of the time, however, I'm in pants, usually a longer shirt with a highish neckline. I wear black shoes. During the cooler months, my arms and even often my hands are covered. To all appearances, I dress very modestly.
However, I'm the least modest person in the world. I write a blog and talk about sticking tampons in myself. I will discuss anything with anyone. I'm bold, brazen, and well, ME.
As a very good friend recently put it, personal modesty is just a state of mind. As for all other forms of modesty, I find that to be more of a cultural control mechanism. Modesty is a way we try to single women out as The Other and pass judgement on her behavior.
It's a topic I've come to again and again over the years, but recently brought to mind due to this blog post. I think the fact that the author realized that religion objectifies women's bodies in the same way that the porn industry can is both enlightening and brave. But if you read the comments, a lot of people don't buy what he's selling. They seem to try and believe it, but really can't.
It comes down to the age old problem of how people place blame for lust. People want to blame women for the lust men feel, instead of men taking responsibility for their own emotions, desires, and reactions. "Oh! Let's cover up the womenz and the menz will be good." This is such bullshit. We've known it's bullshit for centuries. Yet we cling to the idea.
First of all, people are responsible for their own desires. You can feel lust or anger or whatever, but how you respond to it is your choice. No one else's. Yours. I don't care how many religions state otherwise, the sight of cleavage does not make someone pull their dick out of their pants.
More importantly though, and I think this is the vital aspect of this whole modesty garbage, YOU CANNOT CONTROL OR CONTAIN SEXY.
You see, sexy is a force of nature, a kind of magic we all possess to a greater or lesser extent. For those of us who have very little, it doesn't matter if we cover up completely or wear nothing . . . . we still won't be sexy. If we dress skimpy, we just look like desperate and awkward people trying to call attention to themselves. This isn't sexy.
For the people who possess sexy in abundance, again, modesty does not matter. Sexual magnetism can't be covered up. If you put a woman who is naturally sexy in a burka, she doesn't come off as nonsexual. She comes off as mysterious and sexy. If you put a naturally sexy man in a priest's collar, he doesn't suddenly become out of bounds. He becomes the biggest temptation you've ever had.
Being sexually attractive isn't just for the beautiful people. In fact, it rarely is. You will find ugly people who are sexy, disfigured people who are sexy, very fat people, very skinny people, old wrinkledy people, and even people who are the plainest of the plain who shine with sexuality.
Natural sexiness is a matter of chemistry, confidence, and body language. It's about voice control, breath control, and presence. It isn't something you can hide and it certainly isn't something you can fake.
Truth be told, I think a lot of the problem from modesty Nazis stems from the fact that they know it can't be faked. For all the zealots out there wanting no one to sin, I bet there are ten times as many people agreeing with them . . . because they hate the idea of people being sexier than them. Jealousy and envy has probably driven more "scarlet women" to their deaths than what the ultra-religious thought.
And you know what, jealous and fundie people? It still didn't change anything. It just made you murdering assholes.
Like I said in the beginning, I walk out the house covered. Very few people will ever see me uncovered. This is how I choose to be and it doesn't affect my level of sexiness at all. As for everyone else, how they dress should be their choice. If you don't want to dress that way, don't. If you don't like the way they dress, don't look. Beyond that, it's out of your control. Or it should be.
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