A Long December

I know I've already written about how Decembers are always hard, but it seems this one just keeps getting worse and worse. I'm sitting here at one in the morning, thinking about all the families in Connecticut who had such a different reality 24 hours ago than what they have now. It's almost too much to think about. It seems hollow to say my heart goes out to them, but it does. It's a hard December and I wish it didn't have to be. But here we are.

On a personal level, 48 hours ago, my reality was very different as well. There was a certain bright, beautiful thing in my life that was going to happen. It wasn't happening directly to me, but to someone so very close to me that everything that happens to her is something I share in. Her joys are my joys. Her hurts are most certainly my hurts. Her reality shifted and will continue to shift in very painful ways over the next several days. I wish it didn't have to, but my wishes mean nothing in the matter.

So here we are, half way through this long December, with so many days left to hurt us, to shift us out of what we see as our lives, to break us apart and leave us searching for answers. I have to admit that right now, the prospect of another 16 days of this is scary. I know I can't dwell on that though. What the world needs most, what I need most, is more light, more warmth, and more love.

I'm going to try and let a lot of stuff go. I'm going to try and not stress over the little details, not hold on to my petty angers. I'm going to love activity. I'm going to remind people I care about them. I'm going to smile at them and laugh with them and tell them how grateful I am to have them in my life. I'm going to smile at Christmas lights and listen to holiday music. I'm going to be thankful for what I have and who I am. I'm going to be thankful for all of you as well.