Realities, Harsh and Otherwise

Well, Glitch is over, it's really, truly over. I'm trying to process that reality and actually accept it. Even up until the very last second, I didn't think it would actually happen. Despite the peace my Glitchen found in the story I did for the last three days, I personally, have found no peace. Her world ended, but mine continues on, now without the game that I adored. And yes, I realize I've been harping on this for weeks now. It's just such a huge waste of potential. It baffles me that something so beautiful could be taken away.

Then again, I find that I quite often have trouble with the reality of situations. I went to the doctor today. She has a scale now that even weighs people my size. I got on there, expecting to get the same reading I got last week when I weighed at the hospital. Instead, it read a few pounds lighter than that. I was very shocked by the number because it's less than I have weighed in a long, long time. Not by very much, mind you, but still, less. It's actual, tangible proof that things are going even farther than they ever have before. It speaks that I may actually be winning this war.

And you know what? Part of my mind refuses to believe it!  My brain is making up excuses. Her equipment was faulty.  Her nurse read it wrong. These are the examples of the things my brain is telling me that make the most sense. The rest of it doesn't make any sense at all. It's just all whispers of how it has to be untrue. It can't be real.  There is even a little bit of panic at the idea of it.

This isn't going to stop by me, by any means. It's just a strange little insight into my weird mind.  I think this is a lot of the stumbling blocks that people face when they are making significant changes in their lives. The reality of it just trips them so badly they don't know how to function. They start finding ways to sabotage it, just so it all makes sense to them again.

I'll probably find ways to sabotage this as well. I'll probably have days where I just fall away from everything I am doing because on those days, that will make the most sense to me. I'm going to allow this . . . on very rare occasions. I will allow it because I want to keep reminding myself that just because you turn around and walk away from the mountain for a while, you still have the ability to turn towards it again and continue your journey.

All of my brain may not accept this yet, but walking toward the mountain (the mountain being a healthy weight) is my reality now. It is my puzzle, my project, my continual challenge. I will find a way up that mountain, even if it is slow, slow steps all the way. Even if it takes me the next ten years.

How's that reality for you?