December Reflections

I think I've mentioned before that October is my favorite month. The weather is starting to cool down, the leaves get beautiful, there is Halloween, and over all, always a nice positive atmosphere. Hey! We survived summer! Good for us! Have some candy!  Every time I think about October, I get warm, happy feelings. It's the best month to celebrate.  People are usually in good moods. Pumpkin lattes fit in here somewhere.

You'd think I'd be really happy and positive about December as well, but I'm usually not. There are plenty of reasons for me to.  During my many years as a student, December always signaled the end of a semester and time off. It is the month where I get gifts. And, it's the only month where I get gifts, because December is my birth month. I'm fairly egotistical, so it makes sense that I would hold the month in high regard.

Somehow, it never works out that way. In the least shitty years, December comes off as unreal. It's rushed and busy. I have to go places and wrap gifts. I have to pay money to deal with special tasks, like renewing my Driver's License. I have to deal with people. The traffic is always shitty. And then at the end, my birthday happens and it's just basically nothing because everyone else is focused on Christmas.

Those are the simple years. There have been plenty of years when Christmas contained its own special levels of Hell. For instance, one year all of my holiday money was stolen. I'm not talking "Oh gee, now I can't buy stuff!" holiday money. I'm talking about "Oh fuck! That is all the money I had to live on until Financial Aid checks come in" money. One year there was an ice storm and I was stranded at a friend's house for days. The year I turned 30, I did not receive one of those Over the Hill parties. I was so viciously ill that I did nothing that Christmas except be ill. I didn't even eat for several days.

I don't know what this December will bring me, but I'm pretty sure it's going to suck a dry monkey. My roommate and I both have doctor's appointments and other unfun tasks that will eat up the days. It's unseasonably hot, which is making us both feel like crap. The winter coat covered cats aren't happy about it either. Glitch is closing on the 9th, and I'm dreading that with every fiber of my being. Actually, I think I'm dreading that most of all.

It's not that I don't have a sense of holiday spirit. I do. I love my holiday specials and I love the music of the season. I love all of that a lot. It's just the rest of the month that usually messes with me.

I don't know. Maybe this year December will surprise me. Maybe things will go smoothly and the stress levels won't be any worse than usual. Maybe I can really enjoy the holidays and have nothing overtly crappy happen. Most of all, I just hope it cools down again. I really need the cold weather. I need to shiver in my bed under blankets and continue my romance with my current favorite knitted hat. I want hot tea and cuddly cats. All of that would make me very happy.