A lot of people are talking about this, but I really felt the need to discuss the situation with Dr. DNLee. It's an situation that I've thought a lot about over the years and one that seems to be getting worse as our society becomes more grubby and entitled. Dr. Lee is a scientist, a blogger, and a woman of color. She writes a blog called Urban Science and educates people on various topics. Recently, she found out that people have less education than she even realized.
One of the editors from Biology Online dot org sent her an email where he invited her to write guest blogs for them. She sent an email back, asking for some details about this offer, including how much she would be paid. He sent back information on the things she asked about, including the fact that they don't pay guest bloggers. She thanked him for his reply and told him that she would be declining the offer.
Now, in a mature world where people have sanity, it would have ended there. He offered, she asked for details, he explained, they weren't to her liking, and she politely declined. This should have been the end of the exchange. He should have read her decline and moved on to the next prospective guest blogger.
Instead, he wrote her back and asked if she declined because they don't pay guest bloggers. Then he asked her if she was a scientist or a whore? She was offended by this and decided to make the whole thing public.
There are a lot of things I feel about this. In fact, I may write another post about this tomorrow. Tonight, however, I want to talk about one of the core issues at work here. People really need to learn to accept rejection.
In the grand scheme of things that we SHOULD be taught in school, how to take rejection is one of them. Fundamentally, it's truly one of the most important things we can learn because we are going to be rejected A LOT in our lives. We will be rejected by family members, by friends, but potential romantic interests, by prospective employers, by our children, basically by everyone. Rejection is a major factor in all of our lives.
There are times when rejection can mean the end of the world. It can be a very serious matter. HOWEVER, that does not mean it is always a serious matter. Being rejected by prospective romantic partners is not a life or death thing. Yes, it can be depressing. I am a very fat woman. Trust me, I know about this kind of rejection. I am basically rejected by almost everyone out there before they even meet me. That used to hurt, yes. It used to hurt a lot.
Then I grew the hell up and realized that the rejection of others isn't something I should take that personally. Even when guys say 'no fat chicks,' that isn't aimed at me personally. That is aimed at a group I happen to belong to, mostly by my own choice. It has little to do with me as a person and a lot to do with the one who is rejecting. They have their tastes and I am not entitled to unlimited admiration from everyone. I'm not going to be upset about it and I'm certainly not going to waste me time being angry at and/or insulting them.
Mr. Biology Online certainly should have understood this. This was, in no way, a personal situation. It was a professional offer and he should have behaved accordingly. If you make a professional offer to someone and the decline, be an adult and move on to the next person. Don't send follow up emails to be an insulting bastard. Someone who behaves in such an unprofessional and immature manner should be fired.
So is there a lesson in this, kids? There sure is! Rejection happens! It happens to me. It will happen to you. It will happen often and frequently. It will sometimes happen in little ways that just feel frustrating and also in big scary ways that kind of ruin your soul for a while. It's important to comprehend the difference between the Big Rejections that warrant big displays of emotion and the minor rejections that warrant a slight sigh, a moment of disappointment, and then a move forward. Don't write crazytalk emails. Don't insult people. Don't vow to destroy them. Just be an adult and move on. It's really that simple.
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