Med Issues

A while back, my therapist and I made the decision that I needed to have my medication altered. This decision wasn't made lightly. It was a consideration made after many hours of discussion, in fact. It wasn't an easy conclusion for me to reach, because I really didn't want to go through the process of altering my meds. Any change like that is always difficult. Still, it had to be done.

I went to see my doctor and worked up the courage to discuss the matter with her. This, again, wasn't easy. Talking about mental issues with your doctor is always risky. It makes you worry they don't trust your judgement on anything. You're crazy, after all. I signed release forms for her to talk to my therapist. They consulted and a conclusion was reached on the change in my medication.

Again, on an emotional level, this was rough for me. No one wants other people discussing your mental state. I cringe at the very idea. I didn't want to happen, but tried to focus on the fact that it was needed. These are two people I trust so I didn't feel all that violated. Not much, anyway.

Everything seemed fine at first, but this time when I went to get my prescription, some change in my insurance or the government or something is causing a snag. They don't want to pay for my meds at the level my doctor wants them. The pharmacy is trying to get it to go through, and I hope it does. In the meantime, however, this is what is going through my head.

• More people are now discussing my mental condition. Pharmacy people. Insurance people. Possibly government people.
• What if they cut my meds altogether?
• Piper Laurie's voice from Carrie saying, "They're all going to laugh at you! They're all going to laugh at you!"

I'm so disheartened by this. It was so emotionally difficult to discuss this matter. It was so emotionally trying to talk to my doctor about it. It was far harder than I thought it would be and I almost panicked several times over it. No one wants to discuss their mental health with authorities. I did it though, because I believed it was the right thing to do and in the end, I'd be benefited by an increase in my meds. Now this whole mess is happening and I regret the whole damned thing.