I've made the decision that politicians are now imaginary. They don't really exist. They're just little made up monsters like the boogie man or the tooth fairy. They only exist in our imaginations as ways used to explain why certain events go our way (yay money for baby teeth) or why things go horribly wrong (sucked into the closet to be ripped to pieces and eaten). We do get money for teeth and children do go missing from their bedrooms, but in either case, the imaginary being assumed to be the cause of the situation truly isn't the cause.
As far as I am concerned, politicians are the same way. They just truly don't exist. Yes, there may be an actual real person standing there saying those things (or perhaps not), but I think I'm going to willfully divorce that from my reality. It just honestly makes more sense to me than believing that a bunch of people can be this clearly stupid but still get elected to office. How did that even happen?
For one thing, there are way too many of them and that has to be a bad thing. During most of my life, I was aware of the president and the vice-president. Mostly, I knew about the president because he was the asshole who would show up to talk about stuff and disrupt whatever TV program I was watching. I knew who the vice-presidents were because they were potentially the next asshole who would disrupt whatever TV program I was watching. I may or may not have assumed these two men were having an affair.
Beyond that, I might have been marginally aware of who my congress people were, but probably not. If I met them, I wouldn't remember if they served on the state or national level. I didn't ask them. No one did. And keep in mind, this was MY state. I didn't know who served in any other state. I didn't have to. It really wasn't that important. They would do their job and leave the rest of us alone.
These days, I'm forced to be aware of all kind of politicians from every side of the fence. I know who Crazyass Bachman is. She's that fat man's beard and has googly eyes. I know one of them is named Boner but tries to spell it differently and says it's not pronounced that way. He's the scary tanned dude who cries all the time. I know that there is a Paul Ryan Ryan Paul Rand Paul Ayn Rand something or other. That one may be a four headed monster. Whatever the case, all the heads are all bad. I think one of them might be Tom Cruise who got ugly but possibly not because I don't think they let Scientologists hold office.
One of them is named Weiner and he tries to keep people remembering his name by showing his penis to everyone. I don't think this is a very good strategy. One of them is Robert Reed . . . no, that can't be right. Possibly. I know that Robert Reed is dead and while I'm not 100% certain about this, I don't think we let zombies run for office. Though, the way some of these people look, it's possible.
In any event, government runs best when I don't have to be aware of these people. They go in, do their job, make decent decisions, and leave everyone else alone. They do things that benefit the country, all the while keeping the country stable and prosperous. They don't talk. They don't make names for themselves. They don't treat half of us like we're the enemy. They work for the good of everyone.
Somehow, this kind of government just isn't happening anymore. Instead of quiet, respectable people who go and do their jobs and leave the rest of us alone, we get a bunch of vainglorious talking heads who babble on and on and on about nothing. They don't try to fix or improve anything, they just call attention to themselves or whatever polarizing cause they represent. It's not just annoying, it's disgusting and counterproductive. I'm sick of it.
Because I am sick of it and because I don't want to let that sickness consume me, I've decided to just let go of any rational thought that ties back to American politics. Those people who yell on the television? Those people are just imaginary. They don't really exist. They're just figments of our collective paranoia. Hopefully we'll get therapy for that and our minds will be at peace. When that happens, we'll see the reasonable, rational, and sensible politicians again.
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