My Body

A year ago today, I learned two very profound things about my body. They seemed to oppose each other, but I suppose in a way they didn't. To that end, I also learned one very important thing about my will. I was determined to leave the hospital as soon as I possibly could. I don't know why this was so important to me, but it was. I'm not sure if it was about money or about the lack of privacy or just about the fact that the bathroom would be difficult for me because it was so small. Whatever the case, I wanted to go home.

So the first thing I learned about my body was that I can heal really well.  I understood this somewhat after the arm surgery, but nowhere near as much as I did the day after my uterus was removed. I went from a state of close to death to able to walk again. It's very impressive.

At the same time, I also learned what absolute pain feels like. My body was pulled roughly and I think I may have fallen off a bed or something. I'm still not sure. Whatever the case, by the time I road from Tulsa to home, I was in the most pain I had ever been in. It was a profound level of pain, so horrible that I wasn't even sure I could make myself get into the house, out of my clothes, or into the bed.

And this is when I learned about my will, because, I DID manage to get into the house, out of my clothes, and onto the bed. It was HARD. I was in so much pain I wanted to faint with every step. Death seemed kind compared to this pain. I was really, really worried  the pain wouldn't go away, and yet, I continued on. I mean, mostly because I knew once I was in bed I could get pain meds, but still.

By the next morning, the pain wasn't as intense. I'd lived through the ordeal. I'm rather impressed by that.