Not Always

While I understand the good intentions of the It Gets Better campaign, I often have a problem with it. I get that the idea is to keep younger people from killing themselves during those early years of realizing they're not like everyone else. However, the basic premise of the campaign, that things will get better, is flawed. Sometimes, things do stop being bad in  the way they are currently bad. Things don't always get better, especially for people who have rough childhoods.

For things to really get better, it helps when you have a good support system, faith in yourself, and good decision-making skills. If you lack these, quite often, you stumble through life making choices based on what seems to be the least harmful path at the moment. Other times, you make decisions out of desperation, loneliness, or fear.

I think a good example of this is basically any marriage that happens when someone is trying to escape horrible parents. Usually, the people they choose to marry aren't the most practical mates, but they at least seem less awful than the parents. Is the kid away from the abusive parents? Yes. So that bad situation DID stop. But now they're having to try to pay bills and do other adult things with very little foundation as to how to that. This is not BETTER. It's just different.

The worst part about being an adult and knowing that your situation isn't better than when you were a kid is that you know it's all your doing. You made the decisions to get here. You made the choices that cause your daily miseries. You were the one who paid no attention to the bad habits. You were the one who ignored how horrible other people's personalities were. You were the one who didn't train for the practical job. You're the one who had babies or took in pets you couldn't afford. And more than likely, these decisions have put you in a position to where you're more or less stuck. No one is going to save you and more than likely, you're too tired and depressed and despondent to save yourself.

So here's my message. It does not always get better. Sometimes the hell you're going through will stop, but it doesn't mean your life will be wonderful. Sometimes your life will actually get worse. Sometimes your life will become a series of small moments of peace disrupted by interjections of the displeasure of others. Sometimes your life will be full of debt and fear and bleakness.

You're not alone in that though. Don't think you failed and that you're the only person it didn't GET BETTER for. The world is full of people who made the wrong decisions (or were left without any decisions) and are also in a position to where things are no better for them than they ever were.

So how do you cope? As I've written about before, therapy and meds help. Change what you can, if you can. Make the best of what you can, if you can. Beyond that, just remember you're not failing while things got better for everyone else.