Safe Harbors

To support some relatives, I'm on a Facebook group for chronic Lyme disease. Normally the discussions are about helping people through the condition, finding common  ground, and sharing tips with others. Most of the time, the group is great. I know it's made a big difference in a lot of people's lives.

Recently, some of the women in the group have been having problems with a guy. He was private messaging them and being creepy. It seems he found some people's home addresses and stalked the women who lived near to him. They reported it to the group and he's been removed. I'm glad they took action to end the problem.

However, I would like to point out, just in case, for some reason people didn't know, A SUPPORT GROUP IS NOT THE PLACE YOU GO TO HARRASS OTHERS!

Seriously! When people join a support group, they are doing so because they NEED HELP. They don't want dates. They don't want people hitting on them. They don't want to talk to you outside the realm of the topic for which they need support. In fact, the best way to think about other people in a support group is to remember that they are NOT. THERE. FOR. YOU!

I guess maybe that is fundamentally the hardest concept for some people to grasp. The other humans out there, even the ones who happen to be of the gender you want to have sex with, don't exist for you. They exist for themselves, to do things for themselves, to experience their own lives, fight through their own struggles, and seek their own joy. Sometimes they will let other people in, but there are places and times for that. A support group is not one of those places.

I think a good rule of thumb before you go and bother people, is to ask yourself if your comments, messages, and chatter would make you uncomfortable if someone you didn't find attractive sent them to you. And yes, it's always good to assume people don't find you attractive until they tell you otherwise, especially if those people are in a support group for an illness. Chances are, they have other things on their minds.