The Quiet Process

I asked a friend how she was doing and she told me she'd  had a very bad day but didn't wish to talk about it. I said I understood and didn't press her on the matter. If she didn't want to talk about it, I certainly wasn't going to try and make her.

One of the things we've been exploring in therapy is the idea that emotions are just part of life and should be expressed when they happen. This isn't an excuse for people to act like bastards. If you're angry, feel your anger and understand it, but don't scream at someone who isn't involved. If you're sad, be sad, but don't expect the world to stop for you.

At the same time, it should be okay socially, even with close friends,  to be able to NOT share the reasons for your feelings. And why is this? Well, mostly because all too often, people use this as a way to try and sidetrack you from what you're feeling. "Oh, you feel bad? Tell me why! We can solve it! We'll solve it right now so that you're okay again!"

No. Just no. That isn't healthy. If someone else is having a bad day, let them have it. If they feel bad, sure, show them some comfort, but don't keep pressing them until they tell you what's happening, even though they didn't want to. Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do for someone is just give them space so they can work through their emotions. They know you're there and that is comfort enough.

I think it's important to remember that other people aren't our projects. They're their own projects to whatever degree they wish to be. Sometimes they will need a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes  they just need to know that someone else cares. I think all of us need moments when we just let the emotions fill us and do whatever they need to do. Sometimes just letting that happen is resolution enough.