Days of Triggered Past

A year ago today my roommate and I had to go to Tulsa for one of his appointments. As we were traveling through the city, we drove past the hospital where I had my hysterectomy. My reaction to this was visceral and rough. It was certainly a triggered moment for me. I actually wondered if I was being tricked and they were going to take me back there and do more things to me.

We go back to Tulsa next week. It's for another one of his appointments and, again, we'll pass that building. I'm curious to see how I react. I'm hoping enough time has passed to where I can just not react at all. That would be for the best.

This has happened before. There have been things that triggered me in the past that I can handle now. I used to be terrified on curvy roads because of that wreck my mom had when I was little, but after a while, it wasn't so bad. Once I was driving, it wasn't really there at all.

After my childhood home was burned down, I was told it was because the water heater exploded. It wasn't, but that's what they told me.  For quite a few years after that, I would get really scared when I would be in a room with a water heater. This really sucked for me because many of the houses I had to go into had them in the bathroom. Once I came to understand that they weren't all going to explode, I calmed down. It just took time.

There are other triggers I've never gotten over. There are still certain types of men who freak me out to the point I really can't even be in the same room with them. I know it's irrational and certainly not their fault. I do my best to just avoid the situations.

I try not to think about this one too much but I have a lot of trauma about when I had severe sleeping issues. I would get so tired that I would be in pain and incapable of keeping myself awake. There are certain TV shows I would try to stay awake for and couldn't. When I think about them now, it makes me recall the pain of trying to stay awake and the sinking horror in knowing that I couldn't.

I get really frustrated with people who are on this bandwagon of mocking or ridiculing those who have triggers. They act like the triggers are indulgences, when it is the exact opposite of that. I mean, maybe some people are masochistic enough to enjoy having that kind of pain, but for the majority of us, it would be nice to be able to live without it.