Little Moments of Coping

I think about my grandparents a lot during summer. This makes sense. I spent most of my summers with them. I associate a lot of my childhood rituals of summer with them. As much as I loathe summer, it's the season where I feel most like a kid because all the good aspects of it are things that tie back to my childhood.

This can be a really depressing season for me. I'm not well. I ache. It's difficult to sleep in all the humidity.  If you read the blog, you know all my complaints. It can get to be too much sometimes. When there seems to be no relief from the oppressive weather, my emotional state starts to break apart.

I have trouble eating at night and sometimes opt for sliced veggies.  Cucumbers, onions, and tomatoes are what my grandparents would eat during the summer months. Theirs were fresh from the garden, but we all know I can't grow anything. I buy mine and eat them, and it's really comforting. It reminds me of how they would have meals, how proud they would be of what they grew.

The thing is, I don't think they ever took their garden for granted. There was always a little bit of awe in the fact that things grew. Then again, they'd grown up during the time when the garden not working could mean a really rough winter. The food they grew was often the majority of all they had as kids.

And I really do think  those were the best tomatoes I ever ate. The dish my grandmother would make with new potatoes and peas was divine. I still crave the dish she'd make by cutting corn off the cob and cooking it in butter. The watermelons would open and smell like heaven.

Even writing about this fills me with calm and love. I think it's important that I have these memories, not just for the general reason why it's good to have memories, but also because they can go a long way towards helping me survive the summer. Like I said, I can really start to despair in this heat. Being able to put myself into another emotional state is helping me a lot.