So as you know, Monday the van screwed up. Today was the first day where I would be driving it and as much as I tried to talk myself down from being panicked about it, I still kind of was. It sucks that my brain does this to me. It's like simple, everyday problems that could happen to anyone somehow blow up in my mind to be my fault. Even though, intellectually, I know they can't be. Car batteries die. That's how the world works.
I think there is a level of PTSD I've not really gotten past since Jan. 2014. Try as I might, part of me is still really broken and able to slip down the hill into Fear Town very easily. Then again, I'm still recovering a lot from that experience. It may take quite a few years before I get past the horror of it all.
I'm not being dramatic about that either. Cancer is horror.
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