Strange Loves

I had a rough night. I could never get my body to settle down in any kind of reasonable way. My stomach rebelled a couple of times and I had leg cramps. Honestly, it's 11 PM and I'm just finally starting to feel leveled out. Here's to not having another night of badness.

I do think the life style changes are paying off. When I feel bad now, I basically feel like how I did when I felt GOOD at the beginning of summer. I hobble around and it's awful, but when I think of how that's how I was feeling all the damned time in June, it's good to know some improvements have happened.

Things have been difficult recently because our oldest cats are showing a lot of signs that things are winding down for them. I've talked about this before, but it always felt like a far off thing. It's different now. I've done some research on the things one needs to watch out for. I'm trying to be as analytical about this as possible because things need to be done in the proper way. I don't want them to suffer, even though the idea of this is so awful that it's hard to even write about it.

I need to write about it though. These have been the primary pets (and loves) of my adult life and I can't come to terms with this if I bottle it all up.

The thing is, when it comes to cats, it's difficult to be constantly reverent about the situation. I was reading one article about monitoring your pet's quality of life and it talked about how you should assess the Five Good Things. As in, pick the five things you know your pet enjoys the most and assess on a daily basis if they're still enjoying them.

I mean, with cats, what can those things really be? Napping. Being an asshole to the other cats. Being an asshole to the humans. Napping in the sun. Napping on another cat/human you were just an asshole to . . . cats have strange loves.

I love them. I want them to be okay. This is hard.