Earlier today I found myself staring at a word and for a second, I couldn't find any kind of connection to it. No emotion. Then I realized I was looking at my own last name. I still didn't feel any connection to it. Nothing.
This is just one example of how disconnected I've been all day. I've been here, but not really HERE. My mind keeps trying to shut things down. I think it's the delayed stress and fear from the 9 days of no gas and no idea what was going to happen. The dread finally came home and, as usual, my brain is doing anything it can to keep me distanced from it.
I know this is a defensive technique, but it's disquieting. I don't feel like myself. I don't even really feel anything. I don't feel creative. I don't feel engaged. I just feel....I guess, grey. I feel grey and floating somewhere away from me. Hopefully this won't last too long.
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