As I have mentioned before, a while back my therapist had me write a list of 50 ways my life would be better if I lost weight. The task was very effective. Having 50 solid reasons to do something is far more significant than having one or two reasons to do something. And let's face it, most of the time when we try to alter something about our lives, we tend to be pretty narrow on the 'reasons why' list.
The fifty things are great. They've kept me walking in the afternoon and kept me from requesting snacks, even when I really felt like I wanted one. Some days when I'm having a lot of temptation, I go back and review the list. It helps to really saturate yourself in all these things that can be better if you just try for them. And yes, some days, that's all it can amount to. Trying. There are days when I don't do well at all.
I think one of the vicious cycles about self-destructive behaviors is that most of us start them because we're not happy with our lives. We don't know how to make our lives happy, or perhaps falsely believe someone else will do this for us, and so we turn to something to fill the void. The behaviors make us feel better, but they don't improve the situation . . . so whenever we look at our lives, we just see more unhappiness . . . and our behavior usually increases.
Here's the tricky part. The shitastic life mess won't go away even when you begin to alter your behavior. You will still be poor. You will still have crappy kids. You will still be in the bad marriage. You will still be sick. You will still have the bad job. All of these things aren't going to change just because you decide to stop smoking or go on a diet or whatever. They don't just fade away. This frustrates a lot of people. Quite often, it discourages them to the point where they just give up.
These things can change, but that, like everything else, will take effort on your part. You have to make it happen. And that may not be possible for a while, because even after your self-destructive behavior is gone, you may still be dealing with the consequences of it. You may have a lot of mental, emotional, and often physical issues due to it. Those will need healing before anything major can change.
Again, at this point, I think a lot of people get discouraged. Actually, it's probably even more intense than that. They just did something they assumed was impossible. They STOPPED the bad behavior. All of the sudden, they realize the bad behavior was just a small part of what was keeping them unhappy.
So, on days when things get really bad for me . . . when I'm in a lot of pain and machines aren't working and there are cat issues and other issues . . . I slip into this dark and ugly place of questioning why I should even bother. Why should I continue on in a life that makes me miserable? I have no guarantees things will be be better if I'm thinner. Losing weight doesn't mean I win a job, more money, and better living. These are all just assumptions.
I have this list now though. The list doesn't mention a better job or such things. It talks about more endurance. It talks about having more physical strength. It talks about being less stressed, having a lower heart rate, more mobility.
When you take your life from one of self-destruction, what you regain are tools. These tools can help you find ways to make life work for you. They give you access to options you couldn't take before. They give you the energy to find the better life for yourself.
As for happiness? Well, that's something you can't earn or find just be accident. That's something you have to keep reminding yourself you need anyway. No matter how bad things get.
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