I'm trying to modify my behavior in a lot of ways. For most of my life, it was something I didn't really think was possible. I know better now and am trying to make my knowledge a reality. There are some physical behavior patterns I am trying to change, but most of them are mental and emotional. Those are actually more difficult.
I think the biggest habit I'm trying to kick is allowing myself to get completely demoralized about the world around me. Everyday I find myself facing stuff that sickens my soul. Christians who defend bullying and the terrorizing of children because they are afraid if bullying stops then they can't be mean to gay people. People who post pictures of their exes on revenge porn sites to try and ruin their lives. People who want to legally limit the freedom of others. I read stuff about this and other items like this almost every day. Most of the time I try not to, but I still end up exposed to it. It truly makes me not even want to live on this planet, or at the very least, never leave the house.
To fight this, I'm trying to find at least a couple of minutes out of each awake hour to try and put the goodness back inside me. I pet a cat or talk to a friend or listen to music. I look at the birds outside, anything I can to to stop this evil bullshit from controlling my mood. It's not easy, but I really do not want to feel this way all the time, so I'm doing what I can to stop it.
To me, fighting this battle is the key to fighting all the other ones. I know there have been times when I stopped trying to improve my life because I just felt overwhelmed by all the negativity around me. Negative, and complaining people who acted like their constant stream of criticism some kind of enlightened gift given to them to share with the world . . . I found myself around them all the time. I knew I was becoming like them. I felt that if that was all life would be, just a bunch of bitches who would never be happy in the moment and keep looking for something to change so they could happy THEN, why should I bother? If this kind of thing was all I had to look forward to, why want a future at all?
It's hard to let it all go. It's difficult to blow it off. It's not easy to just let your mind drift into a happy place no matter what is happening around you, no matter what you read or what someone says. You need to though. I need to. It is critical that we promote our happiness, no matter what is going on.
I've said this before, but I think it's important to continue to promote the fact. Our happiness is up to us. We can't rely on other people or their actions to make us happy. We can't allow our happiness to be based on sets of conditions or the behavior of objects. It is a fiction anyway, because you'll see in all of these cases, we were the ones who decided how and when our happiness would be allowed. We set the terms and set them up to cause us misery. Only we can change them.
Imagine happiness is like breath. Actually, it really is like breath. It is vital to our survival and productivity. Anyway, so what would happen if you placed limitations and conditions on your breathing? "Oh, I'll only let myself breath if other people are breathing too." "Oh, I'll only let myself breath if I find a husband." "Oh, I'll only let myself breath if nothing goes wrong." In all of these cases, you're probably going to die.
Oh, but silly Blackhaired Barbie, not being happy doesn't kill you.
It's just that, I think that it does. I think the longer we go without happiness, the sicker we get. I think the longer we go without happiness, the harder it is to be motivated to do anything else. I think the longer you go without happiness, the more welcome and peaceful death sounds. And you may choose to get their quickly . . or just passively allow yourself to meet death quicker that you should have.
This is all way easier to write, even to believe, that to put into practice. Trust me, I know. Trying to keep myself in a happy zone is hard.I think one thing that helps is to have something ridiculous that makes you laugh. Everyone needs to find something that makes them burst into giggles no matter what. Keep that thing close to you so that when things get too bad, you can start making yourself laugh again. Practice this over and over again until it becomes easier to do.
When it comes down to it, being happy just makes more sense. It does better things for your body. It frees up a lot of your mind. It gives you a chance to let some other emotions show up in a positive way. Being unhappy gets you no where. It just wastes your time . . . and usually someone else's as well. It's so cliched to say this, but our lives really are short. What the fuck is the point in wasting your minutes being pissed off about stuff?
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