Imaginary Friends

I always think it's so funny how people talk about imaginary friends as something children have and eventually outgrow. This may be true for some kids, but in my case, I not only have imaginary friends of my own, I have quite a few that I share with others.

Look, it's not like I think they're real. I know they're not.  Still though, these are people that I (and others) invented and talk about on a regular basis. In most cases, it's a running joke or a form of cheap entertainment.

When my brother was little, we were quite often left to our own devices. We had this whole made up kingdom with a rich history, enemy kingdoms, and strange customs. Everyone in the kingdom, with a few, VERY few rare exceptions, suffered from perpetual stupidity. These people liked to sing though . . . because my brother and I liked to sing.  They would have frequent singing contests . . . and we would tape them.

I'm sure I could blackmail the hell out of my brother these days if I ever found one of those tapes. My grandparents had an ancient cassette recorder. We'd rehearse our parts, decide what idiotic character was singing what, and then record the whole thing and laugh our asses off when we listened to it.

Sometimes the characters would sing songs that already existed, albeit with bastardized lyrics. Other times, they would sing stuff we made up.  Most of the characters had theme songs, and quite often they were too stupid to sing anything besides their theme song.  Because my brother liked Pro Wrestling, and because I'm warped, many of the characters would issue big fight speeches and challenges before they sang.  They were all convinced they were going to win.

Almost always, the contest was won by a group of random cats who would show up and meow some song for a bit. My brother and I would both do the meowing. They weren't special cats or smart cats, they were just cats. However, they still sounded so much better than all the other idiots, they would get to win. Usually this caused a lot of anger for the other contestants.

And yes, I still do this. Even as I type this, one of my friends and I are talking about our imaginary friend and her crazy ass family. I just finished talking to a friend where we discussed magic sweaters that lurk on the floor in wait of devouring a host.  No singing contests yet, but give me time.