The Avoidance Game and How I Lost . . . and How I Won

Today as we were leaving the store, my roommate commented that one of the van's tires looked low and we should probably drive it by our mechanic to have them look at it. I tensed up but agreed it should happen. Then he suggested we do it after we drop off our groceries, just in case it took too long. I loved this idea, because it meant I probably didn't have to go. I was fine for all of about three seconds when he remarked that Rabbitkiller needed an oil change, so we might as well just do both.

Dammit.

Cut to me trying to scramble a way out of this. "Oh, I can just take Rabbitkiller on Wednesday." "They may be overwhelmed if we bring down both of them." "Maybe this isn't a good idea." I think about the third excuse in, he realized I was hedging and said that if I was that scared, he could just do it himself.

"I'm NOT SCARED," I retorted, too loudly and too harshly, because of course I was scared. I was stupidly, irrationally scared.

As much as I realize the setup for oil changes and tire service are practical and wonderful, I fear them. Well, to be specific, I fear driving into them and trying to avoid that gaping hole you have to straddle so that they can get to the underside of your car. I hate that so much! I hate the look of fear the mechanic guiding me toward him has, his eyes wide as he is frantically trying to get me to steer left before I crash my car into that stupid hole. I fear that crash. I fear my van being wedged sideways into the hole and never being able to get it out. I mean, what happens then? Honestly?

You'd think that my brain would be trying to calm me down and sooth me with things like reality and logic, reminding me that I have driven over those holes many times and never wedged anything in them. It would remind me that people do this all the time and that if it wasn't safe, it wouldn't be happening. Or, you know, maybe my brain could even remind me that there are little guard rails along the side of the hole that probably keep that kind of thing from happening.

NOPE!  Instead of all that helpful and reasonable stuff, my brain was looking for a way out of this.

By the time we were home and I was unpacking food, I thought I had it. If my roommate drove Rabbitkiller and I drove the van, then I wouldn't have to drive over the hole. They could just bring the tire pressure stuff out to me. They've done it before. No big deal. I gleefully suggest this plan to my roommate and bless the man, he was kind enough NOT to look at me like I was a crazy person.

We drive down to the mechanic shop. He goes in one bay and I drive up behind the other bay that someone else is already in. I walk inside and tell them what we need and the woman who runs the place says that's fine . . . except the the thing with the long chord to check tires isn't working so I'm going to have to drive inside the bay.

Mother. Fucker.

So . . . not only did I have to drive into the bay, but I have to do it with the van, the bigger and more unwieldy of our two vehicles.  I crawl back into the van, feeling defeated and a rising panic. Soon that car in front of me would leave and I would have to drive the van over that hole and try not to have tragic things happen . . . I slumped against the steering wheel, cursing my luck.

Amazingly, my brain finally kicked in to some logic mode. I realized I'd pulled in fairly straight and that I probably wouldn't have to make that many adjustments. I calmed down a bit and when it finally came time to pull in there, I did it perfectly well. Of course I did, because the fear I have of this thing is ridiculous.

So in the end, what did I learn here?

For one thing, I learned that I should just grow the hell up and stop being timid about stuff that is reasonably easy to do. I shouldn't make excuses and be snappy and panic over nothing. I also learned that, as usual, the more I try to avoid something, the more likely that life is going to make me try and face it anyway. I also learned that it's much easier to guide over that hole if you pull in straight in front of it as opposed to trying to turn and then straighten yourself up.

I also had a nail in my tire. It's fixed now.