The Language of Ownership

The objectification of women in our society is very insidious, especially in our language. You see this all the time.  Even the most well-meaning people can be guilty of it. Hell, even I can be guilty of it. Though at least I'm not out there trying to send mixed message for  the public good.

For example, there is this campaign the talks about how women should be treated badly based on the idea of "she's someone's daughter." She someone's daughter. She someone's mother. She someone's wife. See the problem?  Instead of trying to get people to relate to a woman based on the fact that she's someone in and of herself, we find it necessary to get people to relate to her under the idea that she belongs to another person. This isn't how life should be. A woman's worth should not be based on whether or not she belongs to someone else. And I'm not just saying that because I don't want anyone else. Which, by the way, I don't.

I have managed, as an adult, to belong only to myself. There is no one else who can claim me, not in any legal sense. I belong only to me. And I have to tell you, I'm very happy about this. The idea of belonging to someone else is revolting me. I'm not saying in terms of just being in a relationship with someone. I'm talking about the idea of legalities, of ownership. I'm so against this idea that I cringe at the idea of anyone even having power of attorney over me.

And yet, by the literal definition of the "someone else's daughter" campaign, my lack of ties would imply that it's okay to harm me. There is no one else would be hurt in the process, only me. It's okay to mess with that chick. She's alone in the world. She isn't serving some kind of purpose to other people, might as well use her for yourself.

Look, I know that the intention of "she is someone's daughter" was never to imply ownership. I realize they were not saying that a woman's worth is based on whether or not she has attachments to other people. However, sometimes the way we say things can betray more of our deeper thinking and we realize.

How about this? Let's start a campaign focused on stopping the violence and sexual exploitation of others that goes a little something like this,"Hey, these are people. Don't hurt the people. It's not a very good thing."

Is this simplistic? Of course it is. But why does the discussion about violence and sexual exploitation has to be complex?