Hospital Dream Trauma

When you're dealing with medical issues, they tend to dominate your thoughts. I go to sleep trying not to think about what all is happening (usually failing at this) and wake up somewhere around six, my mind again occupied with the situation. The worst part is that it also begins to invade your dreams. Sometimes this happens in small ways, just dreams about you hooked to machines or in hospital beds. Other times, it's far more disturbing.

This afternoon, I dreamed I was in the hospital again and kept being sexually violated by people. A lot of people. At one point, I was being held down on a table while at least ten people did various unwanted things to my body. When I begged them to stop, I was told they were simply doing what was needed to help me get better.

I never had clothes in this dream. Sometimes I would have a hospital gown or maybe a sheet, but nothing else. Quite often, people would come up to me and remove these. I would try to get them back, but it was always a struggle, as I was still in a lot of pain. During part of the dream, after having been stripped yet again of my gown, I found myself hiding in a supply closet. I found a box of bandages and kept trying to wind them around me so I could be covered up. It didn't work.

Later in the dream, after I'd found a gown again, I was told to wait in a room for my next round of treatment. There were three men in the room with me, also waiting to be helped. I tried to stay still and unnoticed but it didn't work. Even though a nurse was in the room with us, the men began to sexually assault me, just like the people had before. The nurse even told me I should be grateful because one of the men had decided he loved me. How fucked up is that?

I understand the dream. Being in the hospital is a very violating thing. People are constantly poking you with things and touching you. You're basically naked and there to be accessed for anything they need. It's not sexual, of course, but there are very similar patterns. Hell, when I was having my pic line put in, I even had my arm restrained. When you leave the hospital, in a lot of ways, you feel like something very bad has just happened to you, even if it was something that could potentially help you.