Sleepless Nights

I fully intended to blog last night, but just as I was getting around to it, the internet started acting wonky. I'm doing it early tonight as a way to avoid that. Well, I'm also doing it because I must needs be in bed early tonight. We have a long trip ahead of us in the morning, one happening due to my medical stuff. I'm hoping I get sleep, but I somehow doubt I will. I'm okay with that though because I'm assuming I'll sleep VERY WELL tomorrow night, if nothing else, just due to exhaustion.

It's funny how when your health is messing up how you learn to prioritize things. You accept that some things will just fall by the side until you have the strength to handle them again. There is a lot of letting go, mostly because you know that there is really no other way to get through the day/hour/moment. Maybe you can't summon up the emotional strength to care about something. Maybe you have to put off some phone calls. Maybe you have to wait until every towel in the house is used before you fold the clean towels. And when you do these things, you feel like you've accomplished the world.

I've found I have to be this way about my sleeping too. There have been nights when I've just been too addled or emotional to sleep. I tried to calm myself down, tried every technique I know, but sometimes it just wouldn't work. I finally just accepted that sometimes sleep isn't going to happen and stopped wasting even more energy worrying about the fact that I didn't sleep. Usually my sleepless nights tie in with the closer I get to the date of an appointment. Once the appointment happens, I can usually sleep better for a while. It isn't IDEAL, but it's what I can manage at the moment.

Mind you, I would LOVE to be able to sleep tonight. I would really like it if, when my head hit the pillow, I slept in deep, wonderful slumber until I had to wake up (way early) in the morning. Nothing would make me happier than if that could happen. I just know how my body and mind have been lately, which is, quite frankly, fairly sabotaging, and with that in mind, I'm quite certain sleep won't happen a lot for me tonight.

Tomorrow though, tomorrow could be wonderful.