Me . . . I Think

I've changed how I do my pedaling. I used to do one five minute session twice a day. I tried to increase that to a seven and then a ten minute session, but I just couldn't hold out that long. But I find that if I rest two or three minutes after I do the first five, I can do another five without much problem. It's not building the endurance the way I want it to, but it's an extra five minutes of calorie burning. It also means that between the morning session and the afternoon session, I have 20 minutes of pedaling. That, with whatever walking and upper body stuff I'm doing is getting me close to 30 minutes a day. I'm not quite there yet, but it will happen.

I'm feeling good about this. We all know I've started exercising before and it always falls apart as the weather cools down.  But if I'm already conditioned to having a routine with pedaling, I can just add what time I need on days when it's too nasty to go outside. That way I get my time in without having to risk falling (or having to deal with hellish wind). It's oddly very important to me that I stick with this.

After all of the surgeries, I just really don't feel like me sometimes. I don't look like me. I don't smell like me. I don't feel the same inside my body. I know I've talked about this on the blog before and I've talked about it a lot in therapy. The thing is, I feel it way more often than I even discuss it. I know I'm me, but the me I am feels very unfamiliar to the person I thought I was.

The way I'm trying to cope with that is just to embrace it. Okay, I'm not the same now.  There were things about the person I was before that weren't all that helpful to my life being happy and whole . . . so let's change them.  Maybe you wouldn't have done this before. Maybe you didn't think you even COULD do this before, but that's fine. You can now. This is part of your life now.  Just walk through the new door.