The Angry and the Sick

I've been hearing a lot about situations where people who are menopausal or sick or otherwise not themselves have started being abusive to those around them. The abuse can be in any form, mental, physical, what have you. Many times, people will try to write off the behavior with the excuse that said person is not themselves at the moment. I'll address that in a moment, I want to talk about the people being abused first.

If someone is hurting you, get away from them. I don't care if they are sick. I don't care if they are not themselves. I don't care if they depend on you. There is no excuse in the world for putting yourself in a dangerous position. You deserve better than that. Whatever excuse they may have, no matter how much you love or feel sorry for them, it does not excuse them being abusive to you. Get away from them. I realize that isn't always easy, but this is your safety we're talking about here. You deserve to be safe.

One of my mom's childhood friends had a husband who became ill during their marriage. He had always been very physically strong and the disease was slowly and very painfully destroying that. She stood by him and tended to him . . . until the day he knocked the hell out of her with his cane. On that day, she packed her bags and left. A lot of people called her a lot of horrible things for not standing by this man who was ill. I, however, believe she did the right thing. She should not have had to tolerate being abused.

Now many of us, at one time or another, have gone through things that are very horrible on us. They can be frightening or humiliating. They can destroy our hope. They can destroy our sense of who we are as people. It could be something that makes our body waste away or something that leaves us tired after the smallest effort. Sometimes it's a mental breakdown. Sometimes, like in my case, it is due to hormonal changes. When you go through stuff like this, you can feel like you are losing everything. You can feel lost. You can get very, very angry.

However, while you still have control over your own self, you have the responsibility not to lash out at others. Don't emotionally hurt someone just because you are emotionally broken. Don't mentally rip someone apart because your mind feels like jagged chaos. Do not physically abuse someone just because you feel anger or fear or rage. Being ill or being in pain does not excuse you hurting other people. And if you do hurt them, you deserve to be left to fend for yourself.

As a caregiver, it is important to help the person you have committed to help, but always keep in mind that doesn't mean you surrender all personal rights. Your primary responsibility is still to you. Keep yourself safe. Make sure you are protected. Make sure you are treated with respect. As someone who is going through a rough time, remember that this doesn't give you the right to be an asshole. Things are hard for you, but the people around you who are trying to help you are not the enemy. Respect them for what they are doing to make your life easier.