January Leaves Us

It's the last day of January and for the first time in two years, nothing scary or horrible happened during this month. Yay! This is such a good thing. I was starting to believe this month was cursed for me. It's so awesome not to have scary money stuff or scary health stuff happen! It's also great that I didn't snap a mouse trap on my finger. That also happened during a January.

Instead, I got to spend this month being brave. I was presented with times when I could opt to do the thing I usually do and stay in my little cocoon of comfort or I could do the thing that was risky for me and maybe change things. I have tried my best to opt for the changes. We'll see what comes of them. I am fully well aware that maybe only bad things will come, but at least I'm trying to be bold.

In a way, I think I have the last two Januaries to thank for this. During the last two years, I was forced to do a lot of things I did not want to do. I was often scared and searching for answers on how to get out of the state of scared. I had to go places like hospitals and talk to people with needles. I endured events that were quite nightmarish. And while I'm still, in many ways, pretty messed up about all of that, I also somehow happened to survive it.

Given that I did, I think maybe it's made me a tab bit more brave. After all, most of the time, my life choices aren't going to involve surgeries, cancer, or people sticking sharp objects inside me. And if I can survive those things, I can surely survive whatever opportunities are presented to  me. "They may not have a comfortable chair" is far less of a problem than "they may not find a usable vein for two hours." Last year really put a lot of things into perspective for me.

So I'm leaving this month with a feeling of empowerment. Will stuff come up? Yes. Maybe even some terrifying stuff. At the same time, I've survived scary stuff before. Surely I can do it again.