Kinship

It was about this time last year when I began to really look at older women and aging in a new light. Going through what I did last year made me understand the hell that it is to go through menopause and the changes of life. And trust me, it is hellish.

A lot of women feel that when they have the hysterectomy, especially a radical one like mine, it makes them feel weird about their womanhood. It didn't for me. In fact, it was the opposite, I think. I feel more connected to my sense of being a woman than I ever have before.

I think it's because I see this as me finally participating in a womanly rite of passage. Sure, I started my period as a kid, but that was always weirdly touch and go with me. I never experienced pregnancy or birth. In fact, aside from not being taken seriously and having to wear a bra, I've felt like my participation as a woman has been pretty minimal.

I participated in this hellish ending of my fertile years though! I participated in the gory, nasty, terrifying doom of my uterus. I got to lurk on forums and discussion sites about hysterectomies and feel a kinship with the women there. For the first time, I feel like I could relate to the experience. I wasn't that 'weird girl' standing over in the corner with nothing to say! I was the weird girl who also had the scary surgery!