I watched a movie this weekend about an older woman who was forced by her son to move into a retirement community. Mind you, it was a damned nice one. She still hated it. She took off on a hike and, of course, everyone thought she'd just wandered off in some kind of 'crazy old person' way. The movie was hard to watch because I could identify with her more than perhaps I would have in the past.
Getting older is rough. It's especially hard for people who have little to no contact with others in the first place. My roommate and I were social with other humans the other night. I'm so proud of us because such matters are difficult. It's kind of interesting how they always tell sick people or depressed people to be as social as possible. Hah. I don't think medical professionals realize just how damned difficult and, in some cases, painful, that can be.
My goal for this year was bravery. I succeeded, in more ways than what I could have imagined. Still, I have to say that as the year is coming to a close, I'm left feeling overwhelmed and pretty strung out by the whole thing. I did well, but perhaps more than I really could handle. There were moments when I felt pulled in a lot of directions and moments when I have felt more despair than I have in years.
I wish had more answers about all of this, but I just don't. I know that I'm tired and I often feel kind of broken. Tired and broken has never been the goal.
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