Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Disrespect vs Disregard

I am Facebook friends with a lot of people I went to high school with, many of whom are very devote towards one religion or another. Most of the time, I'm cool with them. The ones who go crazy over whatever topic (be it religion or politics or whatever) get hidden so I don't have to see the crazy. I'm not saying all religion or politics or whatever is crazy . . . but if you post about it all the time, you may be headed in that direction.

For the most part though, it's live and let live for me. In fact, quite often when people post positive things about their faith, I find it lovely, even if I don't share their faith. I also find it interesting to see religion from the perspective of the person involved in it as opposed to how society presents it.

A few night ago, a man I'm FB friends with was talking about how a show had offended him because someone on it said, "Goddamn." He complained about how people should be more respectful to his faith and not say things like that. Soon it was one big moanfest about how no one respects them. I didn't post into the discussion (because I try not to argue with people on Facebook), but I knew I disagreed with them. I didn't disagree with their right to be offended, because they could be offended if they wished. I did, however, disagree about disrespect.

Do I respect your right to practice a religion. I sure do. As long as your religion is not harming people, I'm cool with it. I will not try to make you stop practicing your  religion, nor will I get in your face and tell you that your religion is stupid.

That is as far as I will go. As far as I am concerned, that is far as I have to go. If I do not personally believe in your religion or do anything that your religion dictates . . . that is not disrespectful to it, and certainly not to you. That is ME expressing my personal choices.

Here's an example. In many religion, people are forbidden from eating pork. If you happen to be someone who isn't allowed to eat pork, then I would never try to make you eat some. I would never trick you into eating some. I would never try to pass a law that required you to eat any. I would never walk up to you and talk about how stupid you are for not eating pork.

At the same time, I won't stop eating it. I'm not going to support any law that would make it illegal, just because you don't like it. If I had a restaurant, I would serve pork. If I owned a grocery store, I would sell it. I wouldn't be doing any of these things to offend you or your religion, I would do them because they are what I want to do and you and your religion don't factor into my decisions.

This is not me disrespecting you. This is me disregarding you. It's not that I am spiteful about what you believe . . . it's just that I don't care. Your beliefs are very special to you and that is awesome for you. They're not special to me, nor are you any more special in my eyes for having them. You're not going to get special consideration from my actions just because you happen to believe some stuff.

This isn't JUST a religious thing for me either. No matter what someone's personal choices are, for whatever reasons, the same policy applies. As I have mentioned before, my father is a vegetarian and has been for many years. I would never serve him a dish with meat. When we have holiday celebrations, we make sure he food that is not only meatfree, but also tasty and holiday special-feeling. I would never tell him to stop doing this, because I know it's what he wants to do.

As he's eating his special vegan stuffing and savory holiday carrots, be sure I'll be eating turkey and ham. Yes, in front of him. Yes, while I talk to him. I won't try to make him eat meat, but I'm certainly not going to let his personal decisions affect my personal decisions. If this offends him (which it never has), that's his problem. Not mine.

The thing about personal beliefs and personal choices is that they are exactly that . . . personal. They are things you make for you. If you choose to live by restrictions, do so. If you choose not to cuss, don't. If you want to wear something that covers your hair, more power to you.

But do not insist that the same has to go for others. Everyone else is making their own personal decisions as well, and as long as those decisions aren't harming you (real harming, not made up harming), then it's none of your business. And if their decisions and actions don't follow your personal code, that is more than likely not meant as them disrespecting you. It usually means they just really don't care what you think, and as much as you may not want to, you have to accept that.

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